Every Summer After

by Carley Fortune

oh its gonna break my heart

“Persephone, Persephone . . .” He rolled my name around in his mouth like he was trying to figure out how it tasted. “I like it.”

His hands were like his feet, too big for his body. They reminded me of the oversized paws of a German shepherd puppy.

“Maybe I could make it in blues to match your eyes?” I said, thinking aloud. “I don’t have a ton of blue, so I’ll just need to get a few more shades.” I glanced at Sam to see what he thought, except he wasn’t looking at the floss; he was staring right at me. “That’s okay,” he said. “I want it to be just like yours.”

oh he is in love

cute sam cute

Sam was fast becoming my favorite person. And I’m pretty sure he felt the same—he always wore the bracelet I made him.

“I don’t understand why you hate your freckles so much,” he said. “I like them.”

The freckles moments always got me 🦋😩

“I swear,” he vowed. “Now you swear that you’ll drop this weird freckle obsession.” A small smile played on his lips, and I let out a little laugh before reaching over and curling my finger around his bracelet, tugging on it like he had. “I swear.” I rolled my eyes, but secretly I was pleased.

ouch.

We stand staring at each other silently, and then he takes three giant strides toward me and wraps his arms around me so tight it’s like his large body is a cocoon around mine. He smells like sun and soap and something new that I don’t recognize. When he speaks, his voice is a deep rasp that I want to drown in. “You came home.” I squeeze my eyes shut. I came home.

“That always freaked you out,” he chuckles in a soft baritone. “Menace.” I smile, ignoring the pressure building in my lower belly. “I’ll give you a taste of mine to be fair.” He tilts his cone to me. This is new.

“He freaked when Mom wanted to wash it. Thought it would get ruined in the washing machine.” “It would have,” Sam said flatly, streaks of crimson painting his cheeks.

Okay sam can i have you as my husband

“Sometimes I think no one gets me the way you do,” he said, the pink of his cheeks deepening to scarlet. “Do you ever get that feeling?”

oh boy my heart is breaking rn

“It’s a lot having you here. It kind of feels like I’ve been punched in the heart.”

“Women get new hairstyles when we get dumped. Or when we dump someone. Or sometimes just when we need a fresh start. Bangs are like the New Year’s Eve of hair.”

“What about you?” I ask. “Still reading anatomy textbooks for kicks?” His eyes grow wider, and I think his cheeks have gone darker under the stubble. I hadn’t meant to bring up that particular memory. Of his hands and mouth on me in his bedroom.

I wrapped my arms around his waist. “Six months is too long,” I said into his chest. He squeezed me tightly.

I swallowed thickly, then whispered, “I think you know.” Sam stayed silent, his mouth inches from my own, but his thumb began to move in back-and-forth strokes across my wrist. “I want to be sure,” he murmured. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and let the words fall from me. “I’d rather kiss you.”

“You and me are special,” he started. “There’s no one else I’d rather spend time with than you. There’s no one else I’d rather talk to than you. And there’s no one else I’d rather kiss than you.”

I love him 🥺👉🏼👈🏼

“What I mean is that you’re not just any friend to me . . . you’re my best friend. But we go for months without seeing each other, and we’re really young, and I’ve never had a girlfriend before. I don’t know how to do relationships, and I don’t want to screw it up with you. I want to be everything, Percy. When we’re ready.”

he's mature enough to tell her this!!

I fought the stinging in my eyes. I was ready. I wanted everything now. At sixteen, Sam was it for me. I knew it then, and I think I knew it that night three years ago when Sam and I sat on my bedroom floor eating Oreos and he asked me to make him a bracelet.

“You’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever known,”

😭💔😭💔😭💔😭💔

You’re my best friend. My favorite person.” He kissed me and pulled me against his bare chest. It was warm with sweat and he smelled so much like summer, so much like Sam, that I wanted to curl up inside him.

“You drive me crazy, you know that? You always have.”

“I think I drive you crazy, too,” he says against my mouth.

“Twelve years ago, you asked me to marry you,” I whisper. Breathe. “I remember,” he says with a sad smile. “And I pushed you away.” “Yeah,” he rasps. “I remember that, too.” “I need you to know why I said no, when I loved you so much, when all I wanted was to say yes.” Sam wraps his arms around me and draws me to him, his warm chest against mine. “I wanted you to say yes, too.”

atleast she's self aware

“I used to lie awake at night thinking about these freckles,” he murmurs, kissing the constellation of brown dots on my chest.

“I want this. I want you. You can have me, but I want to have you, too.” When I kiss him, it’s with every last drop of every bit of myself that I have.

“But you didn’t let me practice this.” He bends and kisses me over my underwear. “I was too self-conscious,” I breathe. “And what about now?” he asks, moving my underwear to the side. My legs twitch. “Are you still too self-conscious?”

thats hot 👀🔥

“Good.” He hooks his fingers around the edge of my panties and pulls them down around my ankles, then pins my wrists by my hips so I can’t move my arms. “Because I have a lot of time to make up for.”

WHAKQKQWGWGGWJWJWJWJSJSJ🔥😮‍💨😩❤️‍🔥✨️🦋

“Just think of all the time you wasted being self-conscious,” he says with a grin. “Shut up.” I squeeze him with my legs and he laughs and kisses me more, brushing my bangs off my damp forehead. “Told you I had a few new moves,” he says, kissing me again. “I’m worried about your ego,” I say, a goofy smile on my face.

“I didn’t know your species could function before noon,” I said as I walked up to him, noticing the pillow creases on his face as I got closer. “Only for you, Pers,” he said, and it sort of sounded like he meant it.

I love hearing your voice on the other end of the phone, but I hang up and feel nothing but loneliness.

“I know I said that before, but I was wrong,” he replied. “Not many people meet the person they’re meant to be with when they’re thirteen. But we did. You know we did. I want you now. And I want you forever. I think about it all the time. I think about traveling. And getting jobs. And having a family. And you’re always there with me. You have to be there with me,”

🥲💔

there was nothing to come back to.” His eyes flash with hurt. “I was here to come back to. Every holiday. Every summer. I was here.”

The way I felt about you was always so clear to me—even when we were young I knew you and I were meant for each other. Two halves of a whole. I loved you so much that the word ‘love’ didn’t seem big enough for how I felt.

“When I found that video store with the horror section in fourth year, I almost reached out to you. But it felt too late by then. I figured you would have moved on.” I shake my head forcefully. Of everything he’s just told me, this is what hurts the most. “I didn’t move on,” I croak.

“You can forgive me?” I whisper. “I forgave you years ago, Percy.”

He sees me staring, and gives me a lopsided smile, mouthing the words I love you over the roar of the engine. I mouth them back.