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Never stop fighting for what you want. Never hold your tongue to appease someone else. And never say never to the possibility of love.
The saying “you kill more flies with honey than vinegar” was invented to describe the way a southern woman can take you down a few notches with just her words alone and a tight-lipped smile.
Although, you know what they say—it’s always the quiet ones that are freaks in the sheets.
Every woman needs a group of women to surround herself with that make her feel confident enough to be exactly who she is.
“Jeez, you guys. I’ve been fantasizing about a faceless massage therapist for the past forty-eight hours. I need to get laid. It’s been so long.”
“I know. And it’s not like I haven’t taken care of myself, you know? But sometimes you just need an actual dick.”
“Sorry, Charlotte. The only time I come second is after the woman I’m with comes first.”
“Because the sexual tension between the two of you is so thick, you need an extra-large condom to slide over that dick,” Penelope says without ever looking up from her plate.
“Oh yeah. And get this shit. She told me I need to find a date for Hawaii now since she kind of told all of my parents’ friends that I’m seeing someone.”
The plot thickens!!
Traffic and finding a place to park in Los Angeles could qualify as its own version of The Hunger Games.
“There’s nothing wrong with a woman being dedicated to her career,” Damien adds, catching me off guard.
But in the back of my mind, I’m wondering how in the hell I just ended up in a fake relationship with Damien Shaw. What the ever-loving-fuck just happened?
And once you get laid and get to experience hate sex for the first time, please make sure to call me and give me all the details.”
There is something about a man in a suit that makes my vagina wake up and summon every hormone in my body.
“Damien said you have a death glare that could kill someone in their sleep,” he replies. I shoot a glare over at Damien. “You don’t have to be asleep in order for it to work.”
Jeffrey scoffs. “I see how it is. You get a fake girlfriend and I’m already the second choice.” He fans his face dramatically. “I thought it was bros before hoes forever, man?”
“I don’t know. What kind of question is that? Do I have plates? What do you think I do, eat my food off the counter?”
“Now, I hate to cut this call short, but I was just about to make Charlotte my dessert, so we best be going.” “What are you making?” her mom asks. “No, you misunderstood. Charlotte is dessert.” I smile proudly.
“Your mother is wrong, Charlotte, okay? Your body is fucking perfect, and you don’t need to have kids tomorrow in order to appease her, all right?”
I take the foil from her and read the message inside. “Don’t settle for a spark. Light a fire instead.”
He shrugs. “You have a nice ass, Charlotte. Sue me for appreciating it.”
“I’m happy to have you here, Damien. This is such a surprising turn of events, but I’m glad that we can welcome you to the other side of the office.” “And what side would that be?” Dave chuckles. “The side where the women are always right.”
“Yeah, Charlotte and I were kind of enemies. But now we’re lovers, huh, babe?”
“Behave yourself, alright?” he smirks playfully. “I can’t make any promises. Mischief is just too much fun.”
Staring at myself in the mirror, I don’t know whether to be mortified or confident that a bunch of married people want to have sex with me.
Damien follows my hand, and when we both look up at the window, we see Erin holding a giant pink dildo in her hand as she shuts the drapes. Damien spins back to face me, both of our eyes wide. “See?” “Holy fuck!” “That could have been put in your ass, Damien! I’ll take that apology any time now, thank you.” He stands there, still shocked by what he saw. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to look Dave in the eyes again.” Patting him on the shoulder, I lead him down the steps to his car. “I think it’s safe to say neither of us will ever be the same after this.”
In fact, it’s the moments in which we feel like we’re about to drop the plate that we grow, that our lives change, and we become better versions of ourselves.”
“Dear Lord, honey. I didn’t know they make them like that anymore. Either I’m too damn old or I’ve been married too long to remember what a man that could fuck you up against a wall looks like.”
“Oh, Charlotte. This old bird may be slow when it comes to moving around these days, but the kitty that rests between my legs is still feral like a jungle cat.”
“I never played football in high school, so that was my first ass slap, and I can’t say that I hated it.”
“All jokes aside, you guys…Damien,” she says, turning to me. “You’d better not hurt our friend. Whatever is going on between the two of you, figure it out and be sure about your intentions. Charlotte is a catch, and she doesn’t deserve to be strung along or played around with, no matter how much we love giving her shit.” I nod in understanding. “And rest assured, if you do hurt her, we will hunt you down, slice off your balls and penis, turn them into ground meat, and then feed it to you.”
But then I realize, they’ll always be team Charlotte, and that’s how it should be. Women supporting women. Fuck, I wish more women would understand that.
“Orgasms and dates?” “Pleasure and food, babe. That’s all I want.” She stares up at me. “Give me a chance.”
“Because for some reason, having you back in my life has brightened my days, Char. And I don’t want that brightness to dull just yet.”
“Just…don’t make me regret this, Damien.” “When has anyone ever regretted orgasms or food, Char?”
“This is stunning.” “Yeah, pretty fucking spectacular,” Damien replies when I realize he’s looking at me now and not the view.
“We were never friends, Damien,” I tease. “I don’t know. I think deep down we were. We just never let ourselves get close enough to explore it.”
“A woman who knows her place, who will remember that the man is the head of the household. Charlotte always had too much grit for my liking, and given her job now, I’m pretty sure she makes more money than you, doesn’t she? I just don’t understand why you would want to date her?”
Fuck off bro
“If someone asked me five years ago if this is where I’d be at this moment, I’d have accused them of being senile.” She giggles. “Same.” “But now that I’m here…” I inhale deeply. “It feels like a part of my life was missing. It’s weird, but having you back in my life, in this new way, just feels right.”
“Lust can sometimes feel a lot like hate, Charlotte.”
“I’m mad at me too, babe. But I’m begging you—let me in, Char. Just let me in, please.” “I already have.” A tear runs down her cheek, and my heart feels like it can beat again. “I already have.”
I take her hand and place it over my rapidly beating heart. “You scare me too, Char. But not being here right now with you scares me even more.”
I want Charlotte to mark me, to claim me like I’m claiming her right now. I can’t remember the last time I felt so overcome with need for someone—in fact, I don’t know if I’ve ever felt this way at all.
But this thing between Damien and me is definitely more intense than a spark. I can’t help but wonder—and the potential answer is what scares me—if Damien and I are a raging inferno that will eventually be contained and put out?
He chuckles. “You can pull my dick or balls, babe. Doesn’t matter to me. A gentle tug goes a long way.”
“This ride is making me dizzy,” I say when we part, even though I don’t think it’s the ride. I think it’s just Damien and everything he’s making me feel. But then he leans his forehead on mine and says, “Yeah, I think this ride we’re on is making me dizzy too.”
so I’m telling myself to be happy for you in the hopes that one day I’ll find a man who will fuck me, feed me, and tell me I’m pretty too.”
She’s loud, opinionated, and who I want to be when I grow up—because honestly, do you ever really feel like a grown-up, even when you’re technically an adult?
