The Grieving Brain: The Surprising Science of How We Learn from Love and Loss

by Mary-Frances O'Connor

Let’s say you know four bereaved people. One of them chooses to go to a party with friends, and another one decides to stay home to watch a favorite movie. A third person spends some time with family telling stories about the loved one who died, and a fourth one writes in a journal about their grief. Which of these four people would you be most interested in meeting and which one do you think is most like you? How appropriate do you think each activity is, and how do you think the bereaved person would feel after engaging in it? These questions were part of a study done by Melissa Soenke, a social psychologist at California State University, Channel Islands, and Jeff Greenberg, a social psychologist at the University of Arizona. If you liked the last two people better and thought the activities that they chose were most appropriate and effective, you are like the majority of people who participated in the study. The last two activities, which involve confronting negative emotions in response to the death of a loved one, are often called grief work.