The Grieving Brain: The Surprising Science of How We Learn from Love and Loss

by Mary-Frances O'Connor

When we give ourselves a moment to rest and give our brain a chance to practice what it is like to be simply mindful of our surroundings, that particular state of mind or pattern of neural connections can be reached anytime, anywhere.

If we gift ourselves this moment, we may find opportunity in the present, even when we least expect it. If we are aware of the present, and can acknowledge its value, that opportunity for connection or joy will not pass us by without our notice.

The great thing about learning is that it is a capacity, and we can increase our capacity. Our brain has plasticity we can harness for learning.

One key to a growth mindset is trying new strategies when we feel stuck, when we feel like we are not learning anything new about our experience of loss.

If you feel as though you are treading water, or barely keeping from going under, it is time to try some new approaches to your memories, your emotions, and your relationships.

consult with someone new, with whom you have not yet talked about your personal experience

Try out these new approaches, try out what worked for them even if you feel foolish, and then pay attention to what works,

Even if none of their ideas work, you may at least feel more connected to someone, more connected to humanity.

Death adds meaning into life, because life is a limited gift.

Other people cannot tell us what grief will feel like to us.

People are experts on their own grief, their own life, their own relationships.

Much of what psychotherapy does is to give people the opportunity, the courage, and the possibility to experience their emotions, their relationships, and their inner thoughts in a different way than they have before.