The Grieving Brain: The Surprising Science of How We Learn from Love and Loss

by Mary-Frances O'Connor

This deep encoding of our loved ones in our brain is powerful. It has a powerful effect on our behavior, on our motivation, and on how we feel. Encoding someone means that yearning is the inevitable result of separation from them. Our brain is doing everything in its power to keep us united with the ones we love.

The sneaky problem with rumination is that while one is ruminating, it feels as though you are seeking out the truth of the matter. The point is that the thoughts are prolonging our sad or irritable mood, not whether the thoughts are true.

Human beings cannot choose to ignore only unpleasant feelings. If you are numb to your momentary experience, you are numb to it all, the good and the bad.

“I am not able to adapt to life after loss,” try adding “yet” to the end of that sentence.