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By criticizing, we do not make lasting changes, and often incur resentment.
sharp criticisms and rebukes almost invariably end in futility.
When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.
Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance, and kindness. “To know all is to forgive all.” As Dr. Johnson said: “God himself, sir, does not propose to judge man until the end of his days.” Why should you and I?
The desire for a feeling of importance is one of the chief distinguishing differences between humankind and the animals.
Give honest, sincere appreciation. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise,” and people will cherish your words and repeat them over a lifetime—repeat
So the only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.
“If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.”
You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in people than you can in two years by trying to get people interested in you.
You must have a good time meeting people if you expect them to have a good time meeting you.
Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
if you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener.
The most fascinating conversationalist that you know doesn’t try to impress you with their knowledge of birding in Cornwall or bore you with the finer details of his or her daughter’s upcoming nuptials even though they are undoubtedly well-versed in these topics. You enjoy their company because they talk in terms of your interest and opinions, and who isn’t pleased by that?
The unvarnished truth is that almost all the people you meet feel themselves superior to you in some way, and a sure path to their hearts is to let them realize in some subtle way that you recognize their importance, and recognize it sincerely.
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
If you are going to prove anything, don’t let anybody know it. Do it so subtly, so adroitly, that no one will feel that you are doing it.
Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
Say about yourself all the derogatory things you know the other person is thinking or wants to say or intends to say—and say them before that person has a chance to say them.
Any fool can try to defend his or her mistakes—and most fools do—but it raises one above the herd and gives one a feeling of nobility and exultation to admit them first.
the friendly approach, and appreciation can make people change their minds more readily than all the bluster and storming in the world.
Get the other person saying “Yes, yes” at the outset. Keep your opponent, if possible, from saying “No.”
The truth is, even our friends would much rather talk to us about their achievements than listen to us boast about ours.
Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
success in dealing with people depends on a sympathetic grasp of the other person’s viewpoint.”
Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
Appeal to the nobler motives.
Merely stating a truth isn’t enough. The truth has to be made vivid, interesting, dramatic.
“The way to get things done,” says Schwab, “is to stimulate competition. I do not mean in a sordid, money-getting way, but in the desire to excel.”
It is always easier to listen to unpleasant things after we have heard some praise of our good points.
Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
It isn’t nearly so difficult to listen to a recital of your faults if the person criticizing begins by humbly admitting that he, too, is far from impeccable.
Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
Let every person save face.
Let us praise even the slightest improvement. That inspires the other person to keep on improving.
So if you want to influence a person in a certain respect, act as though that particular trait was already one of his or her outstanding characteristics.
Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
Always make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
