On Rotation

by Shirlene Obuobi

“All these friends you have spoiled you. You expect people to know exactly how to love you on the spot,”

“The man was there for you when you needed him, was he not? Just take your time and see where things go.”

Your father was my friend. After he left, I didn’t put my life on hold for him, or sit around worrying myself about what he was doing. I just kept on living, and eventually he found his way back to me.”

Love was supposed to be simple. You loved someone, they loved you, you got together, end of.

I’m in love with you . . .

He knew who I was, and he liked me for all my faults,

Angela Appiah, so petrified of being hurt, so terrified of being loved, that I preferred to hurt myself first.

Ricky needed me. He needed me, and instead of being there for him I had spent my time holed up in my apartment, drowning myself in work, trying to forget that he existed.

He must be suffering, I thought. Whenever I was suffering, Ricky had made sure to be by my side.

And now that it was his turn—I was nowhere to be found.

grandson who has the most beautiful soul.”

“You too, Angela. You have a beautiful soul too.”

I’m sorry this is happening to you. I’m sorry your dad is dying. I’m sorry that I wasn’t here to help from the start.

Together, Ricky seemed to be saying. We’re doing this together.

I loved him. Oh my god. It hurt how much I loved him.

wanted to see that face every day, wanted to roll over in bed in the mornings and watch him wake up.

“You know you destroyed me, right?”

I’ve never felt the way I do about you about anyone.

You have no idea how much power you have over me.

“All you have to do is change your mind about how you feel, and I won’t...

“You frustrate me. So much. But you also make me better. I like who I become when I’m with you.”

I watched you work your ass off every day, throw yourself out of your comfort zone, make yourself learn new things.

“You make me crazy.”

“I’m happy too,”

“Nothing’s changed for me, you know. I still love you.”

“I’m never going to forget that, Angie. I’m going to wake up every day for the rest of my life and look at your face and remember that, when I needed you most, you were there for me. For my family.”

Every day, I choose,

He was real, and all mine, and maybe everything that had transpired had just brought us to this place.

I knew he was even crazier than me.

he insisted that we would “work it out.”

with Ricky, I could be reckless. There didn’t seem to be a need to be cautious,

I was envious of him, of his assurance that no matter what happened, we would be okay.

“See, I told you it wasn’t a reach. You just have to believe in yourself!”

while I was busy doubting the mechanics of it all, he was busy making it happen.

Like letting myself freefall in love, and for once not searching for where I might land.

When I was shaking with anxiety about the process, you were steadfast, like a rock.

you really do think I can do anything.

What an honor to love and be loved by you.

Thank you for teaching me the power of no and how to continue to choose myself. I appreciate you so much.

I learn something from all of you every day.

SHIRLENE OBUOBI is a Ghanaian-American physician, cartoonist, and author who grew up in Chicago, Illinois;