The Stand-In

by Lily Chu

We have the same face shape with a pointy chin and similar rounded dark eyes, except I know mine are shadowed with fatigue and hers are simply elegantly shadowed.

I should probably be scared at this point, but there’s something about sitting in a luxurious SUV that takes off some of the edge. If I’d been stuffed into a white van or something, I’d be way more stressed.

Sam Yao is so hot and so cool that he should explode from the contrast.

You only wear two colors, black and boring.

New Gracie isn’t going to waste her time on a book she doesn’t like. I don’t owe the book anything.

This is too precise a critique to be taken as an insult so I decide to file it under Potentially Useful and think about it later.

Am I expected to loaf around in clothes with non-stretchy waistbands like some sort of animal?

Wow, if there was only some way to learn Mandarin, maybe with a handheld device that’s conveniently attached to my hand for about eighteen hours a day and can provide access to a thing like language lessons given at my own speed for $2.99 or less.

He’s so perfectly arrogant that I begin to see him more as a comedic character than a man.

“There’s always an audience,” he says dismissively. “You’ve had the privilege of being able to ignore it.”

I’ve been on enough dates to know I no longer have the desire to pretend a man is interesting,

But this isn’t the time to dwell on the lived experiences of individuals creating a biracial identity in modern North America,

A past therapist had once gently invited me to sit with the idea that I had internalized having less of a claim to call myself white or Chinese because I never felt I belonged to either group.

Around me, the collectors are making utterly impenetrable comments. It’s like listening to a code designed to weed out the culturally ignorant.

“There are enough people in the world ready to put you down. Do you need to join them?”

It’s only been the last few years that people have decided to make a fuss about how attractive multiracial people are, as if admiring our appearance makes up for their unnecessary need to talk about how we look at all.

Only bad bitches and hippies use patchouli, a fragrance that can go from distinctive to overwhelming in a moment.

if there’s one thing I’ve been taught, it’s that you find meaning and value from life through yourself, not a man or anyone. Independence is the pinnacle, and while a man can be a companion, it’s a grave mistake to think he can be your center. You should never be a satellite orbiting your own life.

“A positive outcome can come from a negative path.”

“Gracie, you are perfect as you are. It’s not a bad thing to want to keep peace in your life and care for the people in it. That a bad person can manipulate it doesn’t mean it’s wrong. To be kind and generous is a gift.”

Luckily, there is no moment too romantic and no experience too wondrous that my brain cannot ruin.

Help isn’t anything to be ashamed of and it doesn’t take away from my independence.