The Stand-In

by Lily Chu

Then I call a bomb threat in to Todd’s office.

Todd would have deserved it, lbr

“You’re going to Sasha Fierce this?” I shrug. “Works for Beyoncé.”

Sasha reference!!

It’s a good night, I congratulate myself, looking at Fangli. She has gum. I have my Dior. We’re both happy.

“Do you know what kind of shoes ninjas wear?” I do my best not to twist out my optic nerves while rolling my eyes. “Sneakers.”

I peer into his glass. “Did you get the Massive Ego IPA?” “I got the Realistic lager,” he corrects. “My looks are an asset. Fully monetized.”

“I’m Canadian. We’re raised on apologies and maple syrup.”

He turns to me, stupefied. “How should I know? I don’t wear women’s underclothes. Surely by this age, you’ve mastered wearing them.”

Catastrophizing is such a bitch.

Lili is no Todd, but there can be people in our lives who take on more of a presence and influence than they deserve.