Funny You Should Ask

by Elissa Sussman

Jeremy had once called my rants a “feminist monologue hurricane.” Once I got started, I could go on and on and on. Blowing hot wind, he said. Everyone should take cover. He was such an asshole. But he wasn’t wrong, because I opened my mouth and let the hurricane fly.

I didn’t know why I felt I needed to defend Jeremy when all I’d done recently was defend myself to him.

Weirdly, it didn’t make me feel better that Gabe Parker thought my ex-boyfriend was a jerk. After all, Jeremy had broken up with me. So what did that say about me that I dated and got dumped by a jerk? Probably that I was pathetic and naïve.

If their idea of masculinity is so fragile that the mere thought of you locking lips with someone of the same gender makes their head explode, then they have bigger problems than which actor should play James Bond in a movie.”

“I didn’t think it was possible for so many words to come out of somebody’s mouth that quickly,” he said. “And I auditioned for Gilmore Girls.”