The key here is understanding the wide range of variability in how children respond adaptively to how their bodies are experiencing the world. Rather than judging their reactions as appropriate or inappropriate, we can view these trying behaviors as signals that our child needs relational deposits (an understanding look, a soft and caring voice, or a hug) and not withdrawals (a time-out, a lecture, or punishment). This runs counter to the way our culture typically views behaviors as either “good” or “bad,” compliant or noncompliant. It’s a paradigm shift in how we view and judge behaviors.
