Heaven Official's Blessing: Tian Guan Ci Fu (Novel) Vol. 2

by Mò Xiāng Tóng Xiù

Because Pei Ming was accomplished in both battle and in love, his rivals and peers alike took great pleasure in cursing him to die, even better if he’d die from syphilis.

In the large and spacious Palace of Divine Might, the only one left besides Jun Wu on his throne and Xie Lian standing below him was, surprisingly, the Crown Prince of Yong’an, Lang Qianqiu. Xie Lian thought that strange. Why did he stay? When Xie Lian approached, he saw that the man had his eyes closed and that he was somehow fast asleep on his feet.

“If your apology was for those few sword attacks, then let it go. You said it yourself: ‘All is forgotten after a stabbing.’”

He entered the market in high spirits but found that everyone around him wore a mask, and if they were not cloaked as such, then they were extremely ugly—very curious!

When I heard you ask about it in the communication array the other day, it reminded me that there was such a case pending, and so I went to check it out. Turns out that not only did you ask, you even went there yourself! So I thought, dang, what a guy! Ha ha ha ha ha…”

“If you ain’t buyin’, then don’t watch! Fuckin’ tryin’a start somethin’? Get outta here!” Xie Lian got outta there.

Little did she realize, Xie Lian had grown up in the Royal Holy Temple, practicing abstinence for most of his mortal life. His body and mind had always been guarded and as steady as the mountains. It didn’t matter what he saw, his heart was as still as water. Anything unseemly would make him automatically chant Dao De Jing2 sonorously in his mind, keeping him completely indifferent.

LMAOOOOO????

“You slut! He thinks yer old an’ ugly, an’ want none o’ you. What are ya doin’ bein’ so clingy?” Hearing those words, Xie Lian deadpanned with a straight face: “That’s not it. It’s because I have an unspeakable affliction. I can’t get erect.”

Xie Lian saw that this place appeared to be a gambler’s den. Xie Lian walked up to the doors, and on the two pillars at the entrance, there was a set of couplets. The left said “Money Over Life,” and the right said “Gains Over Shame.” On the top horizontal beam, it said “HA HA HA HA.” “…”

Xie Lian was once heir to the throne, and he was taught calligraphy by the finest teachers in the land. The characters he saw before him now were a real tragedy. In fact, the characters were so hellish that Xie Lian started to think they were kind of funny and shook his head.

Just then, Hua Cheng chuckled lightly from behind the curtains. Xie Lian’s heart skipped a beat.

“This hellish place reeks of smoke and corruption, and it’s filled to the brim with demonic chaos. What scum is gathered here, committing what kind of deeds? Running a place like this, none of you have a single trace of humanity!” The crowd booed in unison.

As he moved his hands, he looked up and glanced at Lang Qianqiu hanging above. Lang Qianqiu stared back at him, wide-eyed and pitiful, but thankfully, he didn’t make a sound. His expression made Xie Lian want to laugh for some reason, but he held it back.

Getting beaten to a pulp by a mob of ghosts would’ve been fine, but having his pants pulled off would be a dreadful embarrassment for a dignified martial god like him.

“Earlier in the Gambler’s Den, it was San Lang who pretended not to recognize me.” Hua Cheng approached and stopped at Xie Lian’s side. “Lang Qianqiu was there too, so if I didn’t put on an act, I’d be giving gege trouble.” That was a really sloppy act…

the scimitar started shaking all of a sudden from where it hung at Hua Cheng’s waist. He reprimanded it, “No.” “‘No,’ what?” Xie Lian asked. “No,” Hua Cheng reiterated. Eming shook again, looking desperate to jump out of its scabbard. Xie Lian asked curiously, “Are you telling it ‘no’?” “Yes,” Hua Cheng deadpanned. “It wants you to pet it, but I’m telling it no.”

Who knew that he’d be stroking a cold, silver scimitar—that legendary cursed blade, no less—like he would a puppy!

Hua Cheng only paid attention to what was at hand or focused entirely on Xie Lian, so he spared no attention for those beautiful women.

When he said the word “abstinence,” Hua Cheng cocked his right brow, displaying an unreadable expression that could be either displeasure or annoyance.

LOL

You guys weren’t even playing properly; you were feeling up his hands, and he was feeling up yours. What kind of new method was that?” “…”

“You… I killed you with my own two hands. Sealed you in that coffin myself. You…State Preceptor, you certainly are remarkable!” Heavens. It would appear that something big was about to go down today!

LOLL????

“Of course,” Shi Qingxuan replied. “I won’t let Pei Ming get his way. Where is she?” “I’ve hidden her in a small pickle jar in my Puqi Shrine. If you can, please air her out on occasion,” Xie Lian said.

Hua Cheng continued, “I don’t know if you missed me, but I haven’t thought about any of you at all.” “…” There certainly were many heavenly officials in the heavens who secretly thought about him every day.

Such impertinence from that Crimson Rain Sought Flower! To come all the way to the Upper Court just to kidnap someone, and not just anyone, but the Laughingstock of the Three Realms who was already in hot water…

“San Lang, what does a roll of four open to?” “Depends,” Hua Cheng replied. “The door will open to whatever the roller fears most.” Just as Hua Cheng answered, Mu Qing coolly snapped, “You fought to roll first and rolled out a women’s bath! Give me the dice, I’ll roll!”

The two had completely forgotten they were still connected to the communication array and started throwing punches again while denouncing each other’s luck in dice rolling, the dice lost and their whereabouts long forgotten.

Hua Cheng, walking in front of him, said, “If you want to see me, it won’t matter what you roll. I will appear.”

After hundreds of years, Fangxin had finally returned to his hands, and it moaned softly in Xie Lian’s grip.

THE SWORD DID WHAT???????

he was insulting Xie Lian for not being a man. But Xie Lian didn’t care whether he acted like a man or not. He’d cross-dressed before, and he’d hung the words “I can’t get erect” on his lips. Nothing could get to him.

Due to reasons not worth mentioning, Xie Lian couldn’t help but look at the top of his head first, and he was actually kind of disappointed to see that the figure only had a mask on and no light above his head.

????

“Like ancestor, like descendant—that damned manwhore Pei Ming probably has sores all over his crotch. I should chop off both his and Pei Xiu’s rotten dicks and hang them at their temples, then whoever worships them will bleed pus with every step just like them!”

DAMN LOL

After all, those ten brides were kidnapped by Xuan Ji herself, and she was the one who killed them in cold blood. Fiery for sure, but whether or not she was a good woman was debatable.

Obviously, those things weren’t within the realm of consideration for Qi Rong. He swore like there wasn’t a single person in the Three Realms he didn’t want cursed to death. He called Pei Ming a rotten manwhore, Little Pei a kiss-ass, Jun Wu a faker, Ling Wen a damned bitch, Lang Qianqiu a moron, Quan Yizhen dog shit, the Water Master blackhearted, the Wind Master a tramp—he probably didn’t know Shi Qingxuan was actually a man. If Xie Lian wasn’t seeing it now with his own two eyes, he wouldn’t be able to believe anyone could be so resentful.

Unfathomable hater

Hua Cheng raised his brow. “Oh? Died out? How?” Qi Rong shouted, “SEIZE HIM! SEIZE THAT WEIRD GUY!”

“Oh, didn’t you know? There are some things in this world that are unstoppable. Like, for example, the sun setting in the west. Or an elephant squashing an ant. Or me—taking your damned life!”

WOAHXHGGHFDDF:?::?

This process repeated for a while. Hua Cheng maintained his cool smile the whole time as he dribbled Qi Rong’s head like a bouncing ball, brutally smashing it down over a dozen times.

Xie Lian groaned inwardly. He so desperately wanted to smash Qi Rong into the ground to shut him up the same way Hua Cheng had.

“The fruit really doesn’t fall far from the tree! Sir, your stupidity has spanned so many hundreds of years that it’s opened my eyes!

“Yoooo, I get it. You just can’t believe what I’m saying, right? I heard you nailed your own shifu into a coffin over this! Ha ha ha ha HA HA HA, you dumbass! You killed the wrong person!”

If any bystander listened in on this conversation, they would find it hilarious. A fight over the title of murderer? One would think massacring the Gilded Banquet was some sort of glorious achievement.

Many in the Heavenly Court thought the way Mu Qing spoke was sarcastic, but if they were to listen here and compare, they would witness sarcasm in its primal form. Truly, they had wronged Mu Qing. Qi Rong didn’t just talk shit, he acted the part as well.

“Don’t believe the words of useless trash like him,” Hua Cheng said quietly. “Other than being good at not dying and running away, he’s got nothing going for him. He couldn’t even level up to a supreme after eight hundred years. Even beating him up would only dirty your hands.”

If anyone was even remotely disrespectful to Xie Lian, or gave him a sliver of a problem, it didn’t matter who it was, Qi Rong would surely bag that person with a sack and beat them until they shat themself.

“San Lang, why did you open an umbrella?” Hua Cheng looked at him and shifted the umbrella more to Xie Lian’s side, smiling cheerfully. “Just wait. The sky’s about to change.”

“Xianle, in regards to your methods in managing this matter, you worked hard for nothing and pleased no one.”

“Cousin, why are you so mad? It’s not like you’d die from a stab wound, hee hee hee hee!”

The crowds below, however, had no one to comfort them, and their cries grew louder, so much so that the noise could almost raise the rooftops. The State Preceptor could only blame himself for not having the courage to kill himself right then and there.

But his face was twisted murderously, as if he was going to jump off the tower at any moment to beat someone. However, the tower was too tall—if he jumped, he’d break his legs if not die. So instead, he grabbed a white jade teapot and hurled it down.

At the end of the day, something like this happened because the State Preceptors disliked Mu Qing. When they were displeased, the trainee attendants naturally followed their lead—not to mention that Mu Qing himself simply wasn’t very likable.