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Brother, you don’t have long to un-fuck this.
Unfuck this
I was out of control now, and the two rules I’d set for myself on expeditions were being pressure tested. One: Hope is God. Two: The little things count most on big mountains.
My goals were to top the Nepali peaks of Annapurna, Dhaulagiri, Kanchenjunga, Everest, Lhotse, Makalu, and Manaslu; to race up Nanga Parbat, Gasherbrum I and II, K2, and Broad Peak in Pakistan; and finally, to summit Tibet’s intimidating 8,000ers—Cho Oyu (which was also accessed from Nepal) and Shishapangma.
When it came to trailblazing, there were two techniques to learn.3 The first was applicable in shin- to knee-deep snow, where climbers made footfalls by lifting their knees toward their chest with every step, then firmly planting their feet. The second was for extreme conditions with thigh- or waist-high powder. In those cases, leading climbers had to muscle forward with their hips, creating a pocket of space before lifting their leg out, working it forward through the snow, and making the next step.
“Brother,” I thought. “You’re a badass at high altitude.”
“Better to die than to be a coward,”
This is for you, brother, but don’t spend it on alcohol. Make sure your family gets the food it needs.
“If a man says he is not afraid of dying, he is either lying or he is a Gurkha.”
“My life doesn’t mean anything here. But reputation does. That’s why I’m doing this job properly.”
I held back nothing, kept nothing in reserve because I knew that anything less than my full effort would result in failure.
A rock was dropped inside, and the pack’s straps strained under the new weight. But the effect it had on me was unexpected. Now, I was even more inspired to succeed.
In the face of my toughest challenge yet, I hadn’t cracked. I’d bent and flexed. I was malleable.
I had to motivate myself at all times. If I was in a bad situation, it was up to me to dig myself out. At times, it was hard not to snap under the emotional stress.
I had a code: bravery above all else. There was no other way for me to live.
The glass-half-empty attitude went against everything I’d been taught in the military, where grumbling or giving up wasn’t an effective strategy.
I led from the front, fixing my own lines. That’s Nims style.
The first was to take place in Nepal; my plan was to crash through Annapurna, Dhaulagiri, Kanchenjunga, Everest, Lhotse, and Makalu in April and May. Then I would head for the Pakistani mountains of Nanga Parbat, Gasherbrum I and II, K2, and Broad Peak in July. Finally, I aimed to return to Nepal for Manaslu
The mountains were impartial; only humans showed bias. There was no judgment. Whenever
The mountains were the best therapy a person could experience. Life felt so much simpler when you were connected to nature by a climbing rope and a set of crampons.
My experience in war taught me that a person’s true character always emerged when faced with a life-or-death event, and that reveal often took place in gun battle.
In Nepali, the word dai translates to “brother.”
Imagine running a marathon with serious athletes; it’s pretty discouraging to watch them sprint off into the distance. But if those same athletes stay in touch, pushing their colleagues to run a little more quickly than they’d previously been used to, their presence can be inspirational. It drags everybody along at a speed they previously hadn’t considered possible.
If ever a sliver of doubt seeped into my self-belief, I remembered my new god: proving to the world that imagination was the greatest power of all.
“You come here for the love of nature, but if you don’t respect it, you’ve got no place in my expedition,”
Quitting was not in the blood.
Whenever I attack a mountain, I attack 100 percent.
I knew, more than anyone, that nature didn’t care about reputation, age, gender, or background. It was equally indifferent to personality: The mountain couldn’t give a shit if the people exploring it were nasty or nice.
Get the hardest job out of the way.
Those top-of-the-world perspectives, where nature could be both beautiful and violent, had power.
Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.
“We party hard. And tomorrow we plan.”
Now is not the time to break down.
The psychological power of always giving 100 percent, where simply knowing I am delivering my all, is enough to drive me on a little bit farther:
I was leaving everything on the table; it was important to have zero regrets.
I unzipped my suit and dealt with a very unpleasant level of personal hygiene.
So rather than thinking, praying, and waiting for your next project or challenge (and not doing it), commit to serious action instead.
Nobody cheats death by wallowing in self-pity.
