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The spark didn’t belong to me, though. It sat in the soul of another, but she shone brightly enough to make it known to me.
still believed Phoenix Royal would always be my reason for breathing, for fighting, for existing at all.
She was my muse, my dark little fighter.
Just a girlfriend I loved more than my own life.
“Who is Phoenix?” Dr. Blake didn’t miss a beat. My answer was instant, quiet. “Everything.”
In this world, our love killed.
Not only was she the light at the end of my tunnel, she was in the tunnel with me. She had been from the start, I’d just been too blind to see it. It was time I opened my eyes.
It’s Judah! My Judah!
Pharaoh Roman was the king of self-sacrificing for the people around him.
“There isn’t a single thing that I regret, Phoenix Royal,”
Because you, Phoenix Royal, love with every fiber of your being.”
“Be my best friend, P. Be the girl my future girlfriends are jealous over. Make it so that every girl I date, I’ll be forced to explain over and over again that you’re just a friend. Make me explain that you’re also not going anywhere, so if they can’t accept you, they can’t have me. And then, of course, they’ll leave me, and I’ll have to date around forever…until I find the one girl that accepts you and thanks you for loving me while she wasn’t around.”
“I know in my heart you were never meant to fall for me, but you are meant to love me,
And Phoenix? She was mine. She was my masterpiece.
Fact was, I was going to do everything in my goddamn fucking power to fix it. I just didn’t believe I deserved Phoenix anymore.
Finally, with all that being said, here comes the warning… I’m coming back.
I still feel you, Phoenix Royal, down to the marrow in my fucking bones, and I don’t know what will happen if you reject me after all is said and done.
I chose myself. I chose to fight. I chose sobriety. And I’d continue to do so. One day at a time.
She wanted to be my partner, not my whole reason for living, and now she isn’t.”
“Well, that’s the easiest question to answer,” he told me softly, sweetly, “you do, Phoenix Royal. Only you can make my heart explode.”
It was your determination to find happiness that pushed me to want my own, and by the end of it all…I’d fallen more in love with you, Phoenix Royal, than I’d ever been before.”
“I’m sorry, Phoenix,” Judah whispered again.
My Skyscraper.
“is strength, Judah Colt. You recognize where you went wrong and are now promising that you won’t repeat the same pattern.
He wasted no time reminding me exactly what it felt like to be kissed by Judah Colt.
We were meeting all over again,
Every emotion—no matter what it was—Judah felt with such intensity that it would be difficult for him to get past the guilt and shame.
Because for once, I got the truth out of Judah without gaslighting or screaming or bullshit all up in the way.
That feeling wouldn’t last forever, it was only the beginning, but for that moment, it was everything we could have asked for…
Was I still formulating my life around Phoenix Royal? Yeah, a little bit. But a zebra can’t change its stripes.
Phoenix Royal was written in the marrow of my bones.
Judah Colt was once again everywhere—too much and not nearly enough.
“Judah Colt, you are the fucking opposite of weak. You overdosed, nearly died, and I genuinely thought that you were going to come back and get fucked up all over again because it was easier than doing what you’re doing right now.
“Broken, whole, shattered, even non-existent…I want you without conditions, Judah. This hand is mine to hold.”
“I love you, Phoenix Royal,” was whispered against my lips, sparking a light in my chest and tears in my eyes.
She’d drawn a building. A skyscraper.
A very realistic and extremely detailed skyscraper that was only a few inches tall and sat directly in the center of my neck, just below my hairline.
really.
“Dream a little, then dream bigger. You’re finally free.”
And if I have learned anything since I met you, it’s that I can’t not feel you. Even when you cut me off, even when your end of the connection went dead, you were there.
“Oh my god…we—we’re twin flames.”
“and we’re solid fucking gold.”
“Will you be my sponsor?”
“A toast to Judah and his future, which I am grateful to be a part of. Proud of you, man.”
Judah knew me.
“You living with me is inevitable,” he continued. “Being spoiled by me, comes with the territory. But this time? I promise not to fuck it up.”
He didn’t feel like a celebrity anymore, he didn’t feel like TheColt or just the guy that saved my life. He was just Judah, my Skyscraper,
“Happy Birthday, Baby Bird.”
TheColt was back and it was showtime.
Tonight, you’ll meet TheColt once again. Remember, he loves you as much as I do. See you soon,
“And she is the reason I’m standing in front of you today—whether she wants to be or not.
