The Personal Assistant

by Kimberly Belle

They’re calling you mean and jealous and spiteful and a fraud, and a whole bunch of other things I don’t want to repeat out loud. They’re calling you a Karen.” Better than a cunt, I think but don’t say.

“Look, I know things look bad right now, but it’s only a matter of time before a Kardashian does something scandalous again. Makes a sex tape, maybe, or...or dry humps her boyfriend at a friend’s wedding.”

And then the kicker comes just before three, when a message from LinkedIn pings my phone. Account suspended. LinkedIn, for Pete’s sake! Arguably the least fun of the social media platforms, the water cooler nobody wants to hang around longer than absolutely necessary. What kind of loser gets banned from LinkedIn? Me, apparently.