The First to Die at the End

by Adam Silvera

That heartbreak still chokes her whenever she recalls that pain, a pain that her brother won’t ever know because she will be right by his side, even if it means witnessing a horrible death that he doesn’t deserve.

Originally, the government had pitched Death-Cast being operated through robocalls for efficiency. Joaquin was very close to leaning into this idea when Naya spoke up. In the same way that doctors personally deliver unfavorable diagnoses, Naya believed that calling to tell someone they were going to die needed that human touch. Discovering your life was over by some prerecorded message was too cold.

A robocall would give people more time. You could give people a number to call back if they want to talk. Also, again, how is this dealing with deaf people?

There are four long glossy white tables, each able to sit five people.

Nightmare for people you’re calling with auditory processing disorder & other hearing impairments.

For instance, the architects believed they were building a customer service center for a new phone that will be releasing; something that is part of Death-Cast’s long game but not happening for another few years.

and were disturbed that they’ve had access to it for years

while celebrating her family’s return to normalcy. That’s her purpose in this life. Even if it sadly isn’t her husband’s.

Gloria prepared her will during her first year of motherhood and pushed Frankie to do the same to ensure that Pazito will be taken care of after they’re gone.

Just packed all her things while Frankie was out and left,

She wants to keep her son as young as she possibly can and not force him to grow up too soon.

❤️‍🩹

“Before we send you home, I’d like to read the names of the first Deckers, to both memorialize them

I wonder where the cut off was, like 8k people die a day in the US.

I shouldn’t eat anything without risking the surgery.

You really should check with the doctor about that. I don’t think you aspirating is a huge concern.

“Maybe. It’s my End Day, I’ll do what I want,” I say. “Respect.”

Then he remembers that Gloria and Paz can’t be dead because their names weren’t read out loud during the commemoration ceremony this morning.

Would they seriously read out hundreds to thousands of names?

Instead of letting Frankie be the explosive one, he can push Frankie toward an explosion—toward the death of a Decker just like he wants. Maybe Frankie can get hurt along the way and he won’t be able to harm Gloria ever again.

That’s incredibly fucked up, my man.

simply because of the man in their home.

And her choice to stay. That you don’t want to think about, it seems like.

Though I’m not going to give them credit on my build. It was all my hard work that got me to where I am today.

Genes determine whether that work gets you anywhere.

No flights can take off unless they’re positive the pilots aren’t Deckers. The passengers too. That’ll resolve any plane crashes, right? Assuming people register for the program in the first place.

Is this how we get to seemingly everyone, even someone like Rufus being signed up? Also, what about calls and time zones, are planes not flying until after calls are done/before they start? That doesn’t work in a global system, especially if people are registered in a different time zone.

As sure as I am that I’ll see my reflection when I look in the mirror, I’m certain that I will see my sister before I die.

💔

He can’t even imagine Rufus spending his End Day with a stranger.

It worked out. Kinda. 🩵

“You’re going to keep that shit trending, trust me.”

Would this be a thing someone says in 2010?

Captain Pearson’s plane has been emptied of all the passengers, so why does he still feel threatened?

Impending sense of dooooom.

There’s this knot in his chest that’s been squeezing tighter and tighter ever since Death-Cast called.

The call triggered his heart attack…

I wish I knew the exact minute.

11:17, give or take

Fuck do I know, I’m no more a zombie dietician than I am a historian.

And Pazito was surprised when the author of the original series, Poppy Iglesias, a queer trans woman, showed up on his last day of filming with a signed copy of the first book, the very book that Gloria believes has been instrumental in helping Pazito better understand himself, even if he hasn’t come out with those words himself.

I love this so much.

or risk falling into a manhole.

Seriously, is this a thing???

I try to make sense of how that would work in this new world of Death-Cast. If Orion—someone who isn’t dying today—doesn’t accompany me up to the Empire State Building, does that increase the risk of something catastrophic like the attack on the World Trade Center? Or if he did go up with me, does that thwart death?

The truth is, Gloria knew she loved Rolando, but she wasn’t as certain that she was in love with him.

Parents not kicking you out of your home because you’re gay shouldn’t be luck. That should be the expectation when you bring a kid into this world. If you can’t do that, then fuck off, fuck off, fuck off.

I love being gay, but fuck, this shit is hard sometimes.”

It’s not even legal for us to get married.”

2015. Even moreso for Orion if he’s on disability, since he’d lose healthcare. (Even in 2024, there is not marriage equality for disabled people.)

If Valentino had been in love and wanted to cement that by marrying his partner before death do them apart today, he couldn’t.

One second into my first kiss, and I already hope it won’t be my last. It’s gentle even though I’ve been starving for a moment like this for years—and during the best parts of my End Day. It’s like Orion and I are savoring each other until we become greedy. The kiss builds from slow to fast, soft to strong, like my heartbeat.

The time spent in the vault always leaves Joaquin feeling out of touch with himself, but now, Joaquin is starting to feel like, well, Joaquin.

They never openly talk about what’s inside the vault or what happens in it.

Is this some Minority Report situation?

I love that this moment documented on camera is both a cliché and a fuck-you to everyone who doesn’t want to see two boys kissing.

Some might say Joaquin shouldn’t apologize for something that isn’t his fault. He certainly believes that he’s not fully responsible for everyone in his company as if he’s hovering over everyone’s shoulder and proofing their work.

“Are you completely embarrassed to know me?” Orion asks. “Not at all. That was the best show of my life.” “Well, that’s fucking depressing,” he jokes.

“I was just walking through the Square—” “No one calls it that!”

I’m about to snap one no matter how shitty it is when someone taps my shoulder. It’s an older Latino man sitting beside a young curly-haired kid in glasses;

Squeeeee.

And so Rolando tells Gloria about his long phone call with the man named Clint,

So much for privacy.

Today on the train there was an old man who dropped a lot of cash into the purse of a young salsa

Aww, Clint

Goodbyes are the most possible impossible because you never want to say them, but you’d be stupid not to when given the chance.”

He’d hate to leave his father alone, especially after killing the woman he loved the most in this world.

He doesn’t agree with those who believe fear to be a choice.

Actually, he wants to and he knows how to, but he doesn’t know how to get out of his head to do anything. He ends up just being stuck.

Yes.

For someone who’s often praised for his kindness and generosity, Mateo sure can be his own worst enemy.

but Mateo still can’t help but be confused about how much of life is now free will and how much of it is destined. Would people die if Death-Cast didn’t call? Are people now living recklessly because they’ve been told that tomorrow is still on the horizon for them? Or are the deaths set in stone? The questions hurt his brain, and not having an answer squeezes his heart.

Why can’t people live forever?

Mateo watches everyone in the park with awe. All they’re doing is being themselves, and it’s still the most magical thing in the world.