You Better Watch Out: A Christmas Horror Comedy

by Matt Forgit

Llewellyn Barnes

“You’ve got nothing to reboot. I understand. You’re no scrub. A scrub is a guy who can’t get no love from me,” Mary said, then again wanted to crawl underneath the table for saying something idiotic and ridiculous. “So you thinking I’m hanging out the passenger side, trying to holler at you? I ain’t no hollaback girl, Mary.”

A graveyard denoted association with the church and holy grounds, whereas a cemetery was not necessarily indicative of any religious association.

“I read about an atheist who said that the idea of no afterlife wasn’t disturbing for him, but it was disturbing that the bad people and hypocrites won’t see any afterlife justice,”

Chuck Brinkerhoff

There was no one by the name of Chuck Brinkerhoff working at Tinsel Inc.

John Patrick Persimmons.

His name wasn’t John Patrick Persimmons, though. It was John Patrick Colqhoun. Who was he? How was he associated with Chester Persimmons?

A fire that burned down a house and killed an entire family in the 1990s in Collinwood, leaving only one survivor.

On his dresser was a police scanner that crackled and hissed as it picked up the calls and conversations between local law enforcement through the static and beeps.

“Well, this should be good for my emotional well-being,”

The other reindeer blocked her path, filling the doorway.

“Chester Persimmons,” said Chuck. “He killed my brother. When I heard he escaped, I came here to find him and kill him. Someone beat me to it.”

was on that Gilligan’s Island tour,” Hayden said. “One of the fans got overzealous and crashed the boat. A bunch of us made it to an uncharted island. No one ever came to rescue us. I’ve been there all this time. We made a whole colony there. A hundred of us, settlers living off of the land and hunting and foraging for food. I never stopped thinking about you, Elaine.”

In the end, I ate everyone on the island to survive.

“You killed and cannibalized all of the other people to come back to me?”