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Things are going my way right now. I’m in the zone. My skates are sharp, and the ice is smooth.
It’s easier to mess around with the ones who are gonna pretend you don’t exist in the morning. One night of no-strings fun, a BJ, a fuck, whatever their liquid courage allows them to try, and then they disappear.
The most fun I ever had at a rink was with him. Not that he never pissed me off. He did that hourly. But I can honestly look back on his challenges and taunts and see he’d made me a better player.
“That’s awesome, dude. I love it when another guy holds my stick.” “Teed that one up for you, didn’t I?”
I spent six years hoping that maybe the attraction wasn’t one-sided. Maybe one day a switch would suddenly go off and he’d be like, hmmm, I’m totally into Wes. Or maybe he would figure out he swings both ways and decide to take a walk on the dude side. None of those maybes had panned out, though.
“What do you want?” I ask. And I need him to be specific. This is a very dangerous game we’re playing. It will probably end in disaster. But if there’s any way I can prevent that, I will.
My laughter is muffled against his stomach. “You know, you’re a cocky bastard when you’re gay.” “Guess I am.”
Show him how much I fucking love him, because I sure as shit can’t tell him.
Good thing he’s not a traffic cop, because he’s sending enough mixed signals to cause a ten-car pileup.
“My dick and I reached an understanding.” “Yeah? And what’s that?” I ask curiously. He shrugs. “We both like you.” Fuck yeah.
“Not unless you want me to.” “I…” I bite my lip. “I…don’t know. Maybe another time.” Maybe another time? God, when I go gay, I really go gay.
Funny how he thinks it’s weird when I sniff his hair, but he’s perfectly fine that I’m about two seconds from dry humping his backside. Times they are a changin’.
Jamie Canning was my first crush and my first love. But he was never mine to have.
“I spent my whole life trying to stand out from the crowd. I swear to God, I could announce I wanted to live my life as a reclusive vampire yeti, and they’d still say ‘Oh, Jamie. You’re so cute.’”