I wanted to be alone forever, and I never wanted to be alone again. I wanted to never unlock another door, never enter another unfamiliar room. I didn’t want to encounter any more mysteries: not one wrapped gift, not one page in a page-turning novel, not one movie where the ending wasn’t abundantly clear. I wanted to avoid everything: myself, the news, the color blue—every shade, cyan and slate, sapphire and cerulean. I wanted blue eradicated. I wanted the sky to pick another color, any other color, but it arched over me daily like a blue bowl, and I was a bug trapped beneath.
