Together: Why Social Connection Holds the Key to Better Health, Higher Performance, and Greater Happiness

by Vivek H. Murthy

Lots of teenage friendships are healthy, of course, and Wiseman emphasized that they can be invaluable. “Many girls will make it through their teen years precisely because they have the support and care of a few good friends. These are the friendships in which a girl truly feels unconditionally accepted, understood, and sometimes even challenged when she’s doing something that’s not good for her—like dating someone who doesn’t treat her with respect.” And through these high-quality friendships, girls learn how to form and maintain nourishing relationships later in life. At the same time, she went on, “Girls’ friendships are often intense, confusing, frustrating, and humiliating.” The joy and security of “best friendships” can be shattered by devastating breakups and betrayals. And the very importance that friendship plays in the identity of young women can make them vulnerable to hurtful relationships that they mistake as friendships. When girls can’t navigate the social currents, that resulting shame can extend far beyond childhood. “Girls can develop patterns of behavior and expectations for future relationships that stop them from having healthy relationships with others as adults.” And that can place them at heightened risk for loneliness.