Together: Why Social Connection Holds the Key to Better Health, Higher Performance, and Greater Happiness

by Vivek H. Murthy

“I wish we saw each other more often,” I said. They murmured in agreement, knowing that with our family and work commitments, we were unlikely to meet again any time soon. That’s when I realized we could create our own virtual moai. We agreed to meet once a month by video conference, during which we’d spend two hours (or more if needed) talking honestly about whatever was on our minds, including our joys and our challenges. We also agreed that we would be one another’s source of accountability. This meant that when we discussed major challenges, we’d speak up if we felt each other’s decisions didn’t support our highest values. It also meant that when we made commitments for our health, such as diet, exercise, or meditation, we would keep each other honest in following through. Finally, we made a commitment to talk about the hard stuff that normally doesn’t come up in routine conversations with friends: our fears, our health, and our finances. All of these decisions turned our friendship into an intentional and valued source of connection in our ongoing lives. Instead of relying on fate or impulse to bring us together, we made an explicit commitment to be there for each other. The moai structure enabled us to act on that commitment. It minimized the risk that inertia would let us drift apart.