When women like Gina Clayton-Johnson feel torn between hiding some shameful part of themselves or losing their community, they often choose to bury other true feelings along with the shame. Rosalind Wiseman, author of Queen Bees and Wannabes,34 watched a similar struggle play out many times during the decade that she spent studying friendship in children. “Girls have a feeling of constant comparison,” Wiseman told me. This comparison exposes them to the shame of social failure and increases their risk of loneliness. “There’s a fear of missing out, yet you can never keep up.”
