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“Except you are purposely self-sabotaging any chance you might have by always going for the wrong people.”
I don’t want to disappoint him, but I decided long ago that I wouldn’t follow the path of my father. He was, still is, the greatest man I’ve ever known, but football kept him away from us. I want a family one day, and I want that family to be my number one priority.
If this isn’t the sexiest, nonsexual thing that’s ever happened to me, then…I don’t even know. I’m not even sure I could tell you the date or year right now.
“What? Did I say something wrong? You hurt me, Dylan. Broke my—” “You have got to be fuckin’ kidding me. You cheated on me. No, that’s too trivial for what you did. You were a two-timing bitch, and in hindsight, a shitty girlfriend. I dodged a bullet when we broke up.”
“And you’re by far the most special someone I know,” I whisper, only turning back when I hear Summer’s car pulling out of the drive.
“Summer, I’d bet my life savings on him not thinking you owe him a dime, and I’ve never met him. You seem to mistakenly think it’s a hardship to care for you. Trust me, it’s not.”
I shouldn’t have slept with Dylan. It had the potential to ruin everything between us, and yet, I can’t bring myself to regret it. I could try to tell myself it was meaningless, but there was an undeniable connection.
Maybe I was wrong to want more from her because I will happily stay in this limbo state of being, until the end of my days, if I can continue to get smiles like that.
I shake my head and laugh because at that moment, I know I’m going to make this girl mine.
“I want this. I want you. I want us. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anything more.”
The feelings I have for him scare the hell out of me. I’ve never had romantic feelings for anyone. Never felt this way before. The fear that I have, because of that, is stifling. What if I’m not good enough for him? What if I hurt him? What if he hurts me? I want to be able to trust him and trust myself to open up to him; I just need time to do that.
“You told me you’d never hurt her again,” Mom says in a quiet voice, barely above a whisper, but it’s loud enough.
“I was at the party, Summer.” And? “He beat you because of me. Because of the guilt over my dad.” Oh, hell. My heart breaks for him, not me, him as I stare into his shattered, soulful eyes. None of this is his fault. I’m even starting to realize none of this is my fault either. Seems we were all holding on to something from that dreadful day.
“No, Summer, I know I’ve got a long way to go before I earn back your trust, but I need you to know…I would never condone this. Despite the fact that it could have just as easily been me, they hurt my baby sister. Their lies made me hurt my baby sister. I will never forgive them for that. I will never forgive myself for that either.”
Thomas and I are silent on the way home, leaving me to my thoughts. The farther we drive away from the place I grew up, and from Dylan, the more my heart breaks, and by the time I’ve made it to my apartment building, I’m not sure I have anything left.
The look on Summer’s face when she tried to comfort me that night flashes into my mind. Her dad abused her because of me, and she thinks I’m the one who needs support.
I knew loving her was going to be dangerous; it was a big risk to my heart, a risk I was willing to take. I’d prepared myself for Summer to run, and I was ready to fight for her. For us. I never once thought I’d be the one causing her pain.
“I’m doing it for her,” I say through gritted teeth. “She knows I still care; we message. But, I’m messed up. I’m lost. I feel so guilty for everything that happened to her that I can barely sleep. She doesn’t need me dragging her down into this deep ocean of pain.” Joel rolls his eyes as though I’m talking shit. “Very poetic. But don’t you think that’s exactly what she’s been telling herself about you for your entire friendship. From the first time I saw you together, I knew there was a spark. Hell, everyone could see it, even you. Summer’s been fighting it this whole time, trying to not
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“I’m not finished. When she finally opens up and lets herself not only accept love, but feel it…you ran. You fuckin’ ran. So, you shouldn’t be asking me ‘what the fuck?’ You should be turning that question on yourself. And you’ve been messaging…Who cares? You need to talk to her.”
I’m hurt, and I’m angry. I trusted him. I opened up my heart to him, after he practically begged me to, and then he walked away. He walked away.
“Summer, I need you to tell me we’re going to be okay. I need to hear the words because I’m so in love with you that I can’t bear to stay in any kind of limbo.” She stares at me in shock, but I continue. “I know it might take time to trust me again, to trust in us. But I need to know you haven’t given up. That I have a shot. Please, Summer, I love you.”
This is it. She is it for me. I’m going to marry this girl. Breaking our stare, I lower my lips to hers and make love to the girl I adore more than anything else in the world.
“I used to think that becoming your fake best friend was the best thing to ever happen to me, but now that I’m on one knee, looking into your eyes and seeing our future, I know that the best is yet to come. Every day with you is better than the last. Summer, I love you. Will you marry me?”
