Gloam (Monstrous, #4)

by Lily Mayne

Even though I knew it was pointless—that he wasn’t the one doing this—a small, weak part of me wanted to cling to his arm and beg him to stop this. Beg him to keep me safe, to not leave me here to die.

Gloam’s grip was gentle when it circled my arm, and I could feel the apology in the light squeeze of his fingers as he urged me forward. I went, because I didn’t want Mary to get too far ahead and yank on the chain that connected to those rings in his back. Gloam and I were still tethered by the chain looping from my wrist to his harness, giving me no chance of making a final run for it, but Mary’s order compelled him to hold onto me anyway.

Didn’t they care that they were looking at someone they’d potentially be eating soon? Didn’t being forced to consume human flesh make them utterly despise themself?

Their hair was long and white, half of it tied back from their face in complicated braids. Their androgynous face was almost too perfect—too beautiful—and oddly familiar. But that could have just been the nature of their appearance—it was somehow like no one else alive, and a million other people all at once. Blank enough to be forgettable, but I knew there was no way I would ever, ever forget it as I stared up at them.

But they weren’t wearing cages. There was no additional bulk behind those masks. Were they here willingly? My eyes darted as I tried to understand. Had Mary… Had Mary found the three brothers and gifted two of them to the Herald, but kept Gloam for herself as a slave? But why would she do that? Why wouldn’t she want three big, powerful aytorin protecting her? Was she really that desperate to please the Herald? Why weren’t the other two helping Gloam?

“Choose to join us, and you will be given the chance to witness the dawn of a new, glorious age. You will transcend from your lowly mortal state into something greater. Holier.” I was shivering so violently that Gloam struggled to keep his grip on me, fingers tightening in a silent, painful message. “If you refuse, your body will be cleansed by my holy fire and sacrificed to nourish this congregation.” What a fancy way of saying they were going to burn me alive and eat me.

My eyes burned, but the air was too searingly dry for tears to form. Did I refuse and force Gloam to watch me die and get eaten, when there was nothing he could do to stop it? Or did I accept and stay here to live a horrific, shameful life of cannibalism?

“That is wonderful,” they eventually said. “Please, turn to face me once more.” When I did, on shaky legs that could barely hold my weight, I saw Gloam’s body sagging with a mixture of relief and utter hopelessness. My eyes blurred. At least I’d gotten to see him one last time before he was gone forever,

My heart leapt into my throat, panic rising again, and I twisted to look over my shoulder at Gloam as I was led away. He was watching me back through the cage, his shoulders hunched and hands clenched into tight fists. Before I stepped out of sight, through a heavy curtain the follower held back, I saw his huge chest shudder with grief.

“Are you pleased to be joining the flock?” they asked quietly, voice low. It sounded like a young man, but I couldn’t be certain. I trembled wildly at the reminder, panic speeding up my breaths. “N-no,” I said before I could stop myself, then immediately clenched up with fear at the possible repercussions.

The cult member made a soft sound in their throat, and their grip tightened on my arm. “Did you know you were coming here?” they asked, just as quietly as before. “No.”

“Would you rather be back out there? In the Wastes?” What was with all these fucking questions? Was this a tactic they employed to break a person’s spirit? Remind them that they were stuck here, even if they didn’t want to be? “Yes,” I grated, anger chasing away some of the fear. “I’d rather take my chances in the Wastes any day over this.” They let out a soft breath and fell silent.

“Would you leave if you could?” they asked in that same hushed voice. Helpless fury made me go hot all over. “Of course I fucking would. What’s with all these damn questions? It’s not like I have a choice now, is it?” “Shh.”

“I can help you escape, but we have to do it before the ceremony.” Their voice was tinged with worry, and they kept glancing back at the door as though scared someone would burst through it. “Is this a trick?” My paranoia made me ask. Was it a test? If I accepted, would I be burned alive anyway? “No, it’s not a trick,” they hissed impatiently.

“My parents were some of the Herald’s first followers.” Bitterness coated their words now. “I’m one of the few who’s been born here. A true son of the Herald.” He snorted without humour, then looked at me again with anguished eyes. “I hate it. I hate what they make us do here.”

I want to get you out. You don’t deserve this.” Hope rose like a tidal wave inside me, but I pushed it back. “Won’t they find out? What—what will happen to you if they realise?” “They won’t. And if they do, I don’t care what they do to me.” His voice was painfully flat, and my throat bobbed again at his words.

“How am I meant to get down from the roof?” I asked faintly, already feeling myself get lightheaded at the thought of climbing up an elevator shaft. “The fire escape. The ladder’s still there.” “How can you be sure?” I hissed, terrified at the thought of being stuck up there with no way down. “I sit up there a lot.” He shrugged with a tiny, rueful smile. “Stupid, I know. Just torturing myself.” My heart ached for him.

“The mark physically stops them from leaving somehow?” “Not without the Herald’s permission. They give the missionaries permission to go out there to find new coals, like the one you came here with. Mary.” Unspeakable rage flooded me at the mention of her name. This was all her fault. All of it. And she had probably already left, taking my big grey beastie with her. God. My poor Gloam. I couldn’t even imagine what he was feeling right now.

I wondered if Mary and Gloam had already left, and if they had, how far away they were. Would I be able to track them down? Because I was still going to free Gloam. I was more determined now than ever.

“Trust me. I would have left years ago if I could.” I swallowed. “But—” “You have to go. Now.” His smile turned bitter. “Don’t worry. The Herald won’t hurt me.” “How do you know?” I asked desperately. I didn’t think I’d be able to stand it if this kid died because of me. “They just won’t.” He nodded at the ladder. “Go.”

I started moving down quicker, my thighs trembling and weirdly weak with fear. But adrenaline pushed me onward, and I could’ve cried when my boots touched the hard concrete. Knees wobbly, I cast one look around to make sure there were no cult members lurking out there. Then I ran.

Heart pounding, I darted behind a tree and peered out. They’d stopped for the night—recently, by the looks of it, because I could see Gloam comforting the borolesh, which was normally the first thing he did before Mary appeared and started barking orders at him.

Gloam was miserable. I could see it in the despondent slope of his shoulders. The way his caged head hung low even as he was trying to comfort the borolesh.

He didn’t try to soften his footsteps, his big boots crushing twigs and crunchy leaves as he walked. I’d wondered before if he could smell water, even with the cage, because he always seemed to be able to find it. I followed him quietly, not wanting to risk Mary knowing I was here. That I wasn’t back at the cult, being forced to eat human flesh.

His head was bent low, and it looked like he was just staring into the water. Then his shoulders heaved with a great, shuddering sob that sounded raspy and rough within the cage. My vision got blurry in an instant. “Gloam,” I croaked, stumbling toward him, already reaching out. He jumped out of his skin, an action that looked strange on his strong, steady frame. His caged head whipped toward me, and then he stilled in utter shock. I literally launched myself at him, wrapping all my limbs around his sturdy body and clinging on with every bit of strength I possessed.

A harsh, desperate noise ripped from his chest, and then he was squeezing me tight, almost too tight, his cage digging into the side of my head. In that moment, I wanted to hear his voice more than anything, but I settled for breathing in his metal-tinged scent after ripping off my mask and discarding it carelessly on the forest floor.

Gloam made a soft noise in his throat and stroked his thumbs over my cheeks, his touch calming my frantically racing heart. He gently removed the duffle slung over my shoulder and dropped to his knees to unzip it with trembling fingers. I lowered myself on weak legs as he pulled out our notebook. Then he simply wrote, Adam, his normally elegant handwriting shaky. I sobbed and launched myself into his arms again, burying my face against his shoulder.

“I know you don’t have much time.” I gestured at the abandoned water drum. “I’ll follow you at a distance. Once we reach Mary’s place, we’ll think of a plan. I’ll stay hidden.” Gloam bent his head to scribble frantically. It’s not safe. I won’t be able to protect you.

You should go back to your camp. I snorted weakly. “We’re weeks away from the camp now. It’s just as dangerous for me to head back there on my own.” That stumped him. He faltered, hand and pencil poised over the page. I gave him a big, watery grin. “You’re stuck with me now.” Gloam stilled, then let out a fragile, amused sound, like he was scared to tempt fate by showing even a hint of happiness.

I wanted to give him a moment of happiness before he had to leave again, and my stomach lurched with anticipation at the idea that popped into my head. “Stand up,” I rasped, shoving the notebook back in my duffle and rising to my feet after him. Tangling my fingers in his, I led him over to a tree. He let me turn him until his back was against the thick trunk. Then I dropped back to my knees.

Apollo and I had messed around once, a few years back, but there was no driving urgency or passion behind it, so it hadn’t happened again. This, though… There was so much urgency inside me that I was overflowing with it, my hands shaking and chest too tight as I desperately tried to show Gloam how much he meant to me. How much I wanted him.

Fear at being alone out here churned in my belly when he heaved the drum up and slogged back through the river to its bank. But I didn’t say anything. He’d just worry even more than he already was. “I’ll see you soon.” I whispered the words even though we were still alone. I raised a hand in goodbye when he started dragging his feet away, back toward the RV through the trees, still looking at me over his shoulder. Then he was gone.

I lasted about an hour after it got dark before I snuck from the forest to the RV. It was risky as shit, but I knew Mary’s routine like the back of my hand by this point.

We embraced when I reached him, Gloam’s big arms wrapping around me while I buried my face in his chest. Without a word, I tangled my fingers in his and led us to our spot at the back of RV. He pulled me into his lap as soon as we sat down, smoothing my grown-out hair back from my face.

What is the Herald? I asked. What kind of monster? A salyik, Gloam told me. They are a repressed race, treated poorly by most. I imagine the Herald quickly realised they had a chance to gain power and adoration here that they never would in our world.

Have they been enslaved too? By the Herald? His hand twitched around his pencil, and my heart sank. Was this going to be something he couldn’t answer? Then he wrote, No. I stared at the single word, trying to work out what that answer really meant.

The congregation is human. My brothers are not part of the flock. They are the Herald’s protectors. What the fuck? By choice? I asked again to make sure. Yes. So what happened?? How did you end up here with Mary?? Were you with the Herald by choice too??

Gloam’s hand spasmed hard as he tried to write. He stopped several times, a series of jagged, indecipherable slashes appearing on the page. Eventually, he managed to get something down. They did this to me.

Why would they do that?? I asked, my heart breaking for him. It was the worst kind of betrayal. Once again, Gloam struggled to get anything down at first. They serve the Herald willingly. I did not.

I think it’s a spell or a curse, I scribbled urgently. I’d felt silly considering it before, but I didn’t care now. I knew Gloam wouldn’t think I was stupid. And the cage is to stop you breaking it. There’s something you can say to break it. That’s why they took away your voice. Gloam was vibrating beneath me. I cannot answer.

I’m getting that fucking cage off your head, I wrote, pressing the pencil in hard with the force of my words. Gloam shuddered and pulled me tighter to him, then started writing back. We can talk more about them tomorrow, but for now I just want to be glad of the fact you are back here with me. That you’re safe. I melted, wriggling even closer to his big warm body, and nodded against his chest.

Can I suck you off again? I asked, balls tingling at the memory of it. I looked up to shoot him a lascivious grin. A low rumble of amusement vibrated through Gloam’s chest before he cut it short, glancing up at the dark window above us. I don’t think I will be able to stay quiet if you do that, my precious Adam, he wrote. Then his head bent shyly. I wish I could do the same for you.

Tell you what, when I get that cage off you, we’ll find somewhere to hide away for days, and you can suck my dick as much as you want. Deal? I realised Gloam would have to remove his hand to answer me, and I cursed myself for saying anything at all. He gave my dick a final squeeze before letting go to write his reply. It is a deal.

For once, I was grateful for Mary’s cruel indifference to him, because she never even noticed that a being who didn’t eat was roasting meat outside her RV every evening.

I told him repeatedly that he didn’t have to do it. That I could fend for myself—even though I’d be shit at it—but he’d written in our book that he liked providing for me. That it soothed something in him. I’d turned to goo at that and rained kisses all over his chest until he’d tugged me back with a low, amused rumble.

I was so focused on reaching the tree and getting over that wall that I didn’t feel my foot sink into softness until it was too late. Feeling the tug on my boot, I looked down with a frown—and froze. It looked almost like a small termite nest, but it was soft. My foot had sunk right into the centre of it. As I stared down, long, wriggling legs emerged from the loose dirt.

They looked like fucking hands. Like reddish-brown human hands with too many knuckles and too-thin fingers. Ten of them, five on either side. I was frozen, gaping in horror, my mind trying to process what I was seeing. I couldn’t make out anything that looked like a face or a head, just a flat, fleshy body with long bony fingers spread around it.

The hand creatures skittered around its base. One took a running jump to try and reach me. Nope, fuck that. Fuck. That. With agility I never knew I possessed, I scrambled along a thick branch and threw myself at the wall, barely even feeling the impact when I tumbled right over and landed hard on my ass on the other side.

When a whisper of sound close to my left reached me, I froze. I blinked quickly to speed up my adjusting vision, and when I realised what was in here—what I was looking at—I slammed myself back against the windowsill with a choked gasp, gripping the edge tight. I’d found Mary’s monster collection.

Twenty cages. Fourteen occupied. I was in a room with fourteen monsters. Not even the fact that they were all stuck behind bars could lessen the fear that froze me in place for long moments. Now that I knew they were here, their presence pressed heavily on my chest, quickening my breaths and stopping me from moving an inch.