The World's Worst Assistant

by Sona Movsesian

When I heard Robert De Niro was suing his former assistant for, among many other things, watching fifty-five episodes of Friends in four days while at work, I can only imagine I felt the same thing Schooling and Osaka felt when they first saw their heroes excel . . . Fifty-five episodes? In four days? While at work? I had never been so in awe of anyone. A small piece of me thought, “Fifty-five episodes? I could do better than that.”

“I just thought of something—call Leigh Brecheen [Conan’s lawyer] and ask her what I would need to do to adopt Blanket.” “Michael Jackson’s son?” “Yes,” he said, amused by himself. Over the years I would come to understand what the inflections in his speech mean—when he is doing

a bit and when he is serious. He would never be able to get away with this kind of request now. “Is this a bit?” And that’s when he started laughing. He asked, “Did you think I was serious about the private viewing of his body, too?” I didn’t respond. I let him have his moment. A few minutes later he walked into the office and started telling everyone the story. Then he looked at my notebook. Call Drew—private viewing of Michael Jackson’s body for Conan. Time alone to say goodbye. There it was—evidence that I had taken him seriously. He took my notebook and started showing everyone he could find. It was brutal. That was a big learning moment for me—not only is most of what Conan says a bit, but he also loves when he can take something I do and make everyone laugh at me.

Even considering all that, the best part about the podcast has been meeting Matt Gourley. Matt grew up in Whittier, which is about fifteen minutes away from where I grew up in Hacienda Heights. We’re two SoCal kids, and getting to know him has been a pure delight. Listening to him riff with Conan is among my favorite things when we record.