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It would be unfair to label every single orthopaedic surgeon as a bone-crunching Neanderthal simply on the basis of the 99 per cent of them it applies to, but my heart does seem to sink with every night-time bleep to their ward.
The blood tests now all live in a drop-down menu, and to order one involves scrolling down an alphabetical list of every test any doctor has ever ordered in the history of humanity. To get down to ‘Vitamin B12’ takes 3 minutes 17 seconds. And if you press the letter ‘V’ rather than wading down there manually, then the system crashes so badly you have to turn the computer off at the wall and all but use a soldering iron to get it working again. Ninety-nine
It turns out she has to provide her probation officer with clean urine samples, and so, rather than choose the simpler option of not taking drugs,
It’s not a profession you go into to satisfy the dollar signs behind your eyes, whatever the occasional dead-mouthed politician may say.
Huh
Besides, even if you’re unhappy with your salary, there’s sod all you can do about it. It’s all determined centrally, and rolled out across the entire profession. Perhaps it’s unhelpful to describe it as a salary – the NHS should call what they pay doctors a ‘stipend’, acknowledge it’s below the prevailing rate but that they’re in the job because it’s their calling, rather than for any financial imperative.*
Wtf
My only small consolation was not having to give medical advice to relatives, what with most of my relatives being doctors.
Most non-medical friends were clambering onto the second rung of the property ladder by then, and you know what it’s like when your friends are all doing something and you’re not. Whether it’s fingering someone at a party, taking your driving test or dropping hundreds of thousands of pounds on a dungeon with dry rot – nobody wants to be left behind.
Posh
‘Everything seem OK?’ Luna asked me. I wanted to say, ‘Looks the same as they all fucking do,’ but I suspected that might lose the room, so I just smiled sweetly, handed the photos back and said, ‘She looks perfect.’ The temperature in the room dropped about ten degrees and murder flashed discernibly across Luna’s eyes. ‘She? SHE?’
Thathappened
The population is getting fatter faster than a mobility scooter hurtling towards Greggs at closing time.
realize it’s a complicated issue, but surely being so big that special equipment has to be ordered in for you would be the first clue that now would be a good time to offload some timber.
During my career as a doctor, for every ‘would you mind having a look at this lump/rash/penis?’ I heard off-duty, there was always one ‘I don’t know how you do it’. I generally heard it from people who wouldn’t qualify for jury service, let alone from medical school, but it’s still a valid point.
She shoots me a look that makes me wonder if I’ve accidentally just said, ‘I want to fuck your cat,’ or, ‘They’re closing Lidl.’
