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I need graham crackers and fresh towels. Whiskey and old books and dark chocolate. Lemonade and ozone. Mulled wine. My beta. My alphas.
Jason says my name a few times, but I can only manage a choked exhale as I try to process the magnitude of this. I knew Jason wouldn’t understand right away, but I didn’t expect this… vitriolic judgment.
Time seems to stretch, each heartbeat feeling like hours.
“Family isn’t the people who share your blood. It’s the people who are there for you when no one else is, who see all of your flaws and still stick by you. That’s what this means.” I break off, leaning back to tap at the spot on my ribs where the pack motto is tattooed. “Lex, Rhett, Lucas, and I chose each other, and we’ve chosen you, too. If family means half a dozen kids between us, or just the five of us sticking together until we’re old and gray, then that’s what I want.”
His smile lights up his entire face, and my heart soars at the sight. “You love me?” he breathes, words cracking even as his eyes glisten with silver around the edges.
“I choose you, Lydia Anderson. Yesterday, today, and every day until my heart stops beating. You’re mine, and I’m yours.”
“I’ve got you, my lovely little omega. You’re here with me, and I’m going to take care of you. Just stay right here, where you belong,” she purrs, all softness and gentle touches.
“Remember this and keep it with you, sweetness: I claim you, Lydia Anderson. You belong to me, and I will always take care of what’s mine.” I like it when you take care of me.
“Your alphas better take care of you, or they’ll have me to answer to, you hear me? I will not let you get hurt again.”
“Do you really think you could leave us, sweetness? That there is anywhere you could go where I wouldn’t find you?”
I swallow and try to form words, but I can’t get past the look in Lucas’s eyes. They’re hazy, but something in them is calling out to my instinct to soothe. That’s not what I want him to think. He’s perfect just the way he is. I don’t want another alpha. I want Lucas, my sweet, funny, protective beta. He doesn’t need to be anything other than what he is, and I won’t let myself be used like this.
I look back to Lex, ready to apologize, but her eyes are full of understanding. Time stops for a heartbeat, and each emotion flashes through her eyes. Fear, worry, understanding, contrition, warmth. She tilts her chin in the tiniest of nods, just the briefest acknowledgement of what happened, and a promise to resolve this,
“Those are the three most important dates for me and this pack. The day I met Rhett and Mateo.” She pauses and I open my eyes in time to catch him kissing her knuckles, his face split with a warm, contented smile. “The day I told Lucas I loved him for the first time,” Lex goes on, and Lucas ducks his chin, though not fast enough to hide the pink flush of his cheeks from me. “And the day you agreed to join our family,” she finishes.
“We do our best to remember, but in the end, it’s all just a blip in time. We have to do the best we can in the here and now. Love the people in our lives while they’re here,” Wila explains softly.
“You came into my life like a bolt from the blue. You shocked me awake and changed everything I had planned. Electricity is what makes the heart beat, and that’s what you are to me, Mateo. The pulse in my blood, the light in the darkness, the jolt I needed to stop being so afraid.”
I’ve been looking for you long before I ever knew you existed. Why am I telling you all of this? Because I’m in love with you, and I can’t stand the thought of you walking away without knowing I tried my best to do right by you,”
She’s everything I want to be, kind, open, generous, honest, compassionate.
