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My world comes to an end at 10:43 on a Friday night, when the elevator lurches to a stop between the eighth and seventh floors of the building that houses the engineering firm where I work.
This is actually the second time my world came to an end tonight. The first was less than a minute ago. When the elevator I’m riding stopped on the thirteenth floor, and Erik Nowak, the last person I ever wanted to see, appeared in all his blond, massive, Viking-like glory. He studied me for what felt like too long, took a step inside, and then studied me some more while I avidly inspected the tips of my shoes.
I guess that’s what happens when you value things like sustainability, environmental protection, economic viability and efficiency, renewability rather than depletion,
minimization of exposure to potential hazards such as toxic materials, and . . . well, I won’t bore you with the Wikipedia entry on green engineering.
One of New York’s top engineers, people would often say. Known for being as good at his job as
he is surly.
The kind of guy he actually is? A backstabber. A liar. A sentient
human McMansion who values only his own professional success.
He looks away guiltily. Then he presses his thumb and forefinger in his eyes, like he’s suddenly, overwhelmingly exhausted, and murmurs quietly, “Fuck, Sadie. I’m sorry.”
“I don’t know if this is a date,” he says, serious, “but if it isn’t, will you go on one with me?”
“When you said you were sorry a minute ago, what were you referring to?” He blinks twice. “The things I did to you. In my apartment.”
“Erik, why do you think I stopped picking up your calls?” “Because of the way I had sex with you. I was on you all night. Asked for too much. You didn’t enjoy it.”
“Sadie. Isn’t that the reason?”
“I don’t think I’m going anywhere from this.”
It’s the best kiss of my life. No: it’s the best kiss in the world.
“Take off your clothes,” he says, no, orders, and I shiver again.
“I brought you here because I wanted to be with you.
“You are a brilliant engineer who knows the Premier League stats of the past three decades off the top of your head. Physically, you are the uncanny combination of every single feature I’ve ever found attractive—no,
And you saved me on your phone as Corporate Thor, even after I gave you my full name.”
“This is it, Sadie. I don’t think there’s any fucking this up.”
I love this, actually. I love straddling Erik, looking down at his pale skin, tracing his muscles.
I can have sex with him, after all. I want to have sex with him. I might die if I don’t have sex with him, because right now I want us to be as close as we humanly can.
“Can’t believe you thought you were bad at this,”
“I’ve been thinking about eating you out all day,” he says against my skin, which is sticky and drenched and—I cannot believe this is happening. I cannot believe this is sex. “All. Fucking. Day.”
I cannot help but wonder if this is the first day of the rest of my life.
I meet this really beautiful, amazing
We spend a night together, and we fuck, a lot, and yes, Sadie, it’s really fucking phenomenal in a life-altering way I never thought I’d need to elaborate on.
“She falls asleep and I watch her and think, This is like nothing else. Scary, almost.
“Fine. Let’s talk about how you used me to steal clients from GreenFrame.”
“A while ago ProBld made me an offer. Basically, they wanted to buy GreenFrame and its client portfolio, and sort of incorporate it as a division of their company.”
“Erik is one of the partners.”
“The Milton people said they got another pitch today. Similar sustainability. Lower costs, though, since it’s a bigger firm. They asked me if I could match their offer, and I told them I couldn’t.”
“I have a leadership position and manage people who manage people who manage more people. We’re not GreenFrame, Sadie. I oversee different teams and spend my days in pretty fucking boring meetings with patent attorneys and surveyors and quality assurance managers. Unless it’s a high-priority deal or an extremely
lucrative project, I might not even be debriefed until it’s well on its way.
I’ve been scared, scared like never before, that I’d hurt you.”
“That I’d left you in some—any kind of pain. That I couldn’t make amends. Which, let me tell you, is no fun when you know in your lizard brain that you’re about five minutes from falling in love with someone.”
I have to go on in a world in which no man will ever compare to Erik Nowak.
“I only knew you for twenty-four hours, but I’ve never missed anyone so much.”
