Do I Stay Christian?: A Guide for the Doubters, the Disappointed, and the Disillusioned

by Brian D. McLaren

21 INCLUDE AND TRANSCEND “It’s just a stage.” That’s what my mother-in-law would say whenever she offered advice about the struggles of parenting. And she was right. Not sleeping through the night? Just a stage. Saying, “No!” or “Why?” to every request? Just a stage. Throwing tantrums? Just a stage. Obsessed with “cool” hairstyles and clothing? Just a stage. The stages we adults see so easily in children are harder to see in ourselves. The workaholism of our thirties and forties? Just a stage. The obsession with weight or wrinkles of our forties and fifties? Just a stage. Anxieties about empty nesting or retirement savings? Just a stage. Facing death and experiencing denial, anger, depression, or bargaining? Just a stage, and each stage will pass into another. As I explained in Faith After Doubt, about forty years ago I became interested in theories of human development, with their various stage models. Over the decades, I’ve studied well over a dozen models that try to describe general patterns in the way humans grow. I’ve seen with increasing clarity how spiritual development is affected by each new stage of our human development. The reverse is also true: our growth (or lack of growth) in spirituality inhibits or unleashes our cognitive, relational, and emotional growth. Their relationship is reciprocal. How could it be otherwise?