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Ezra and Diedrich jump from the cart as it flips. It tumbles downhill and hits the pond with a massive splash.
I need to do it to prove to Anton that he can’t see through me.
Even though he can. He’s the only one who’s paid close enough attention to me to see past the smokescreen. Not even my parents care enough to put in the effort. I make it deliberately hard for people to love me, and I sabotage when they’re getting too close. It’s easier than them being disappointed by who I really am.
It’s only a matter of time until I screw up though. And I’m not sure how I’m going to get past when it happens because I don’t want to disappoint him. That’s
“I’m scared,” Jasper says. “He’s going to ask for a threesome, isn’t he?” I hold my heart. “I’m touched you know me so well already. This is fate. We should get married.”
… realized that when the night ended, I’d rather hook up with you than anyone else.
“I was thinking that maybe you’re falling for Anton, and because you’ve never done that with anyone before, you’re freaking out.” “I’m not freaking out. That’s not it.” Oh fuck, is it?
Ezra on his knees for West. Ezra bent over the banister. Ezra moaning with West’s hand down his pants. And then when another guy I don’t recognize joins them on the balcony, suddenly he’s in on the action going on in my mind too,
Discomfort creeps over me as I watch them in their own happy bubbles, proud to be who they are. Goddamn it. I want that. I don’t want to want that. I’m happy. I know who I am. What does it matter that the rest of the world doesn’t? Why should it be a thing?
How long until my possessiveness stops being hot and feels like a noose around his neck?
The guy beside him groans. “Oh no, there are two of them.” “Anton,” I say, holding out my hand to him. “Jasper.” We shake quickly,
when we get back to his place and climb into bed, I’m hit with the strangest thought: there was nowhere else I’d rather be today.
“Normally I’d punch you for jinxing us, but you did get some added magic yesterday.” I cringe. “The only thing that could make that sentence worse is if you called your cum magic juice.” “Oh, I like that.”
But there are consequences. Like being forced to either play it off or lay it all out there that I want to keep doing what we’re doing because I like being with him.
The comparison to my mother, calling me out for the public antics that Anton also hates about me, and insinuating I don’t take my career very fucking seriously is too much. Even for him.
“I told you early on that I’m only temporary.” He says each word carefully like he’s trying to make a point. “That I’m no one’s forever home.” My heart breaks for him.
I could tell by his demeanor I couldn’t say no. Just like those kids who have come out to me, I got a sense of what he wanted to say before he said it.
“My stupid boyfriend. Who’s stupid. The one I was telling you about in my drunken ramble.” Okay, Anton isn’t stupid. Last night was stupid. Lashing out was stupid.
about the queer collective. We’re trying to get the bingo of guys in the league. One on every team.”
think I was looking for you to take the out, and I didn’t want to deal with that, so I … didn’t.
“James isn’t even a real name. It should be Jame. Because they’re only one Jame.”
“In an official relationship for thirty seconds and the sex stops. I knew it would happen, but I don’t think it’s supposed to happen this fast.”
“What does Palasz—wait. Tell me you’re not sleeping together.” “I’m not sure how it works in your household, Coach, but that’s something I like to do with my partner.”
“You know, when I said for you guys to play nice and get along, this isn’t really what I meant.” “It’s not in us to do anything by halves.”
“Maybe I’m having second thoughts, and we should revisit the coming out sex idea.” “Let’s make that plan C.” “Hey, if it’s on CCTV, we can knock off sex tape and plan C in one go.” “No sex tape.”
“I think the only blowback I’ll get is accusations of being taken over by some body-snatching-type thing. Ezra Palaszczuk in a …” I gag. “Relationship? Gay men around the country will be crying.” “In sympathy for me?”
reach over and close Ezra’s mouth. “Don’t worry, he’s usually shocked into silence around me.”
“It’s no secret I like to have fun, but rest assured Anton has that more than covered.” I whack him lightly on the back of his head as he starts to laugh, and apparently that’s enough for Coach.
“Go celebrate. And stay away from the media for a couple of days. They’ll be looking for you two.” Ezra shrugs. “Apparently the way I want to celebrate was plan B … or C? And according to Anton, it can’t be done in public, so I think we’re going to head home.”
Kosik jumps in again. “Ezra spooning me to send you the photo. It all makes sense.” “You knew too?” I ask. “Nah, but now I do, I’m seriously concerned for your guys’ mating ritual.”
But if it helps, I’m prepared to stick it out for as long as he’ll have me.” “In that case, you better not die first, because I won’t be done with you, and then things will get dark,” Ezra says.
“You guys have the old married couple thing down pat,” Kosik says. Marriage? Ezra and I look at each other. Our eyes lock, and somehow I know we’re both on the same page when it comes to our future. We burst out laughing.
Anton and I will forever be known as the first couple in the NHL. And if we take out the game tonight, we will also be the first couple to win the Stanley Cup.
Last summer, you couldn’t even say relationship without calling it a thingy.” “Well, I did say you and Jasper were so cute it made me want a relationship thingy. So I went out and got one.”
Drown out everything around you, and do what you do best.” The need to lighten the mood hits like it always does. “I don’t think I can have sex on the ice. That won’t win us the game. I should focus on what I do second best.”
People always make a big deal about not turning your back on family. You respect your elders, and cutting people out of your life is wrong, but putting up with toxic relationships because you share DNA with someone is way too stressful, and I don’t know why people do it.
Ezra shrugs. “Clearly the only reason I’m dating Anton. Leveling up from awesome to epic is my destiny.”
“You know, this is a thousand percent tamer than what I was imagining.” Oskar snorts. “We’re not a frat. We’re a group of highly sophisticated gentlemen,” he says with a shitty British accent. “Who like to beat the crap out of other guys at work,” Foster adds.
“No Dex tonight?” I ask. “He wanted to come, but I said it was for the collective.” “Why?” “This is my space. Maybe that sounds a bit childish, but the next hour or so is for us. That’s sacred. I’ll catch up with him later.” I can read the subtext in his words though. He needs space. I have no idea how long he’s been in love with Dex, but I bet it can’t be easy.
“Yep. All you have to do is lift your glass and say ‘Hey’o, I’m gay’o.’” “Or however-you-identify’o,” Foster adds. “Because I’m bi.” “‘Hey’o, I’m bi’o’ sounds like you’re saying you’re science,” Ezra says. “And it doesn’t rhyme.” I lift my glass. “Cheer’o to being queer’o? Is that inclusive?” Ezra’s eyes soften toward me. “You’re perfect.” “I know.”
“Irresponsible.” Dex looks up to pout at Tripp. “Is it true? Am I an irresponsible fuckboy who will never be ready to get married? I can commit.” The panicked look on his face and the way he tugs at his collar says otherwise. “I can—could. If I wanted to. Obviously.”
Boyfriends who win Stanley Cups together stay together. That’s my superstition. And I’m sticking to it.
