Ugly (Winter Sun, #1)

by Roe Horvat

After that first time, he came at least once a week. He must have known I didn’t need the help, but we both played this game for nearly three months. Until tonight.

“I can’t go to the shelter, Burke,” he said quietly. “You can’t?” He shook his head. His holey scarf slid down his shoulder, and I got a subtle whiff of his scent. Well, shit. Wasn’t he too young to be in heat already? Apparently not. “How close are you?” “I don’t know. My friend Kirby says maybe two to five days. He was going to find somewhere for me to stay but didn’t come back, and I was sleepy and freezing, so I came here.” He swallowed. “Sorry.”

“People tell different stories about first heats. The pretty ones get bought by some alpha, stay in his house for the heat, and get treated fine. But sometimes, there’s a pimp who takes the omega to a club. At clubs, they sell the heat one knotting at a time. It brings in more cash that way.” I’d heard about that. The police were failing to combat the illegal sex trade in Dalton City.

“I mean, I think I wouldn’t mind if it was just one guy, you know? As long as he didn’t beat me.” As long as he didn’t beat me. Fuck.

A boy I sometimes saw at the shelter… They took him to a club for his first heat. They even promised to pay him. He came out of there after the heat and jumped the next day.” “Jumped?” I mumbled. I didn’t know why I asked. It was obvious. “From the Stargaze Bridge, above the train track.” I squeezed my eyes shut. Ten days of continuous heat rape and forced knotting by different men. Of course, he’d jumped. Who wouldn’t have?

“Burke?” Emerson raised his round, innocent eyes to me. “You’re not married, right? Will you let me stay with you? I don’t want any money. Just food. You can knot me as much as you want.”

His words hurt. Like physically, they kicked me in the stomach and punched me in my kidneys. I think I wouldn’t mind if it was just one guy. I was so stunned I couldn’t come up with anything to say.

“I’m a virgin. I swear. I mean, I’ve sucked cock for food, but nobody’s ever fucked me. I got away the two times someone tried. You can have me. A virgin in heat, t...

“You can stay here tonight, Emerson,” I said. His mouth parted, and I saw fear lurk in his eyes. Of course, he was afraid of me. Despite what he’d just said, he didn’t want to be used by a six-and-a-half-feet tall monster of a man with scars all over his face. I’d fed him burgers for free for the past three months. He figured I was nice enough not to beat him up.

Tonight, I’d let him stay in my spare room. I’d sleep on it, and then I’d see about what to do. But no way in hell was I letting him stay in exchange for his virgin hole. What a world we lived in!

When was the last time I’d knotted a man? A decade ago? Nah. Twelve years, at least. And here was a sweet-smelling omega offering me his heat for nothing. I could just reach out and take him. And then I’d have to live with it for the rest of my life.

A spidery web of gashes ran down the side of his face, interrupting his left eyebrow, to the corner of his mouth, and along his neck. They disappeared under the collar of his shirt and reappeared on his left forearm. I figured he must be all scarred up underneath that shirt, too. But why would that be scary in itself? It just showed he must have been in serious pain at some point, poor guy.

To me, Burke wasn’t ugly at all. Maybe the word ugly meant something else to me than it did to other people. I’d met a bunch of ugly people in my short life—horrible, evil monsters whose faces showed their cruelty. At night, the streets of Dalton City were full of them, but Burke looked nothing like them.

I’d never been afraid of Burke, not even the first time I’d seen him in front of his pub months ago, painting swirly letters on the blackboard by the door. He’d straightened to his full height and towered above me.

Emerson smelled like raw sex, and that was between waves. I didn’t know what I’d do if I ever breathed him in during a heat wave. Possibly, my balls would explode and my brain implode.

So this was how it felt to want someone. Not just any alpha, not a vague dream of some guy who’d like me more than anyone else. For the first time in my life, I wanted one specific man. It was scary, but it felt nice too.

There’d be hell to pay for this beautiful sliver of happiness—I was sure of it. The raw ache behind my ribs was a foretelling of the imminent heartbreak, but I wouldn’t think of that now. No.

“Burke, this is Kirby.” With one arm around my shoulders, Burke wrapped his meaty hand around Kirby’s skinny fingers. “Hi. Nice to meet you.” Kirby smiled at him sweetly. “Hi there, alpha man. So, I know a trio of bears who would smash your balls with a hammer for a blowjob from me. Got it?” I gasped. “Kirby!” But Burke only laughed. “Yes. I hear you loud and clear.”

He’s mine. I marked him with my cum, and nobody else can ever touch him. Only mine.

The places he touched were where the heat lingered—in my stomach, groin, and ass—and when he covered them with his big hand, it was like he claimed my heat, claimed me. Like a promise and a command at the same time…

“I want you to get me pregnant,” he mumbled, sounding half asleep. “We’ll have a family, and you won’t be sad anymore.” “I love you, Emerson. Now sleep. I’ll hold you.” “Love you too, Burke.” Fool that I was, I dreamed of it becoming reality. Of Emerson loving me and staying with me forever.

“You didn’t want to imply that Emerson would steal from me or that I committed heat rape?” Mark blanched, taking a step back. “Shit, Burke. No. You’re putting words into my mouth. I didn’t mean that. I swear.” Except he did mean it exactly like that. Mark wouldn’t even think of it as rape if I used Emerson in exchange for shelter. Emerson was expendable in his eyes.

I wanted him to hug me but couldn’t bear the thought of anyone touching me, not even Burke. I needed him but couldn’t be with him. Awesome. Recovery was some fucked-up shit.

Burke didn’t like me busing tables. I was starting to feel really bad about all the frowning he did tonight up until Hugh told me I was a godsend. “It’s like you move through portals or something. You sure you’re human, kid?” He winked at me. “Great job.”

“It feels like you’re mine, little one,” Burke whispered. “Because I am. You’re my alpha. My mate. And I love you.” “So you’ll stay with me, Emerson? Stay forever?” I nodded against his chest, kissing over his heart. Tears clogged my throat, but it was joy that made me choke up. I managed to say one word. “Forever.”