A Fig for All the Devils

by C.S. Fritz

Happiness is a fickle lover; if loved too tightly, she often grows weary and finds a way to end herself in search of a new host. But, if happiness is not one’s center and merely a product of one’s venture, then she can be found seemingly everywhere you look, like fresh flowers perched at the tips of weeds.

to eat, one must hunt early, but to thrive, one must hunt rightly.

Something meant to help you, steals you.

“time heals all wounds?” Is this what she means-forgetting? But this doesn’t seem like healing, this feels like alleviating. Like someone is painting over my feelings.

I am not evil. I am the reaction to your world’s evil. I exist, because your sin exists.”

Death isn’t macabre like your films. What I do is not the destruction of this life, but the dance partner to one’s own becoming. It’s like I told Oscar Wilde, death is like an insomniac’s desire to sleep. His desire for permanent sleep. How beautiful would it be to close your eyes and sleep till eternity in the soft grass under that cool shady tree until you dissolve in the soil.”

it knows even at its most primitive state, that death is the best chance at life.

You, your false identities, your unmet wishes, your wrath, your insecurities-all must die or you can never become what you are most meant to be.”

you are becoming something new. That something can only be met in emptiness.

“Hope punctures holes into our black sky to tell us that this ever present darkness is only for a short while. There is a light Sonny, and it’s breaking in piece by piece. I have given you darkness, but in time you will see its stars. In time, light will break through, but for now, the killing in you has begun. I know it hurts, I know its voice too, but what I know more is that all of your dying will lead to life. What feels like death to you is the side of you that needs to die.”

“Don’t waste your terror.”

Here is the question you need to answer most in order to discover whether it’s real or not. Has it changed you?” “Has it changed me?” “Yes, if it’s made you better than you are. If your situation is better, your hope purer, your gratitude deeper, your fear weaker, your love richer…then yes, it’s real. If it hasn’t, then it’s a hallucination.”

Since there is more pain than pleasure on earth, every satisfaction is only transitory, creating new desires and new distresses, and the agony of the devoured animal is always far greater than the pleasure of the devourer.’