Love on the Brain
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Read between March 31 - April 21, 2025
51%
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God, I miss his family. His mother would knit me socks—
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Because if I acknowledged that he was a jerk, then I’d have to give up on the rest of his family, too.
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He invited me into his life when no one else ever had.
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Levi’s looking at me in a way that I cannot comprehend. Because no one has ever looked at me like that.
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I can’t even bring myself to repeat it, the way he twisted everything to make it my fault.
Monika
Tim, you are just garbage.
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I’m not a victim—
Monika
Bee. :(
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“And then he and Annie—”
Monika
No forgiveness.
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“You didn’t marry him. You never married him.”
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I cannot make out and pulls his hand back, as though all of a sudden my skin is scorching him.
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“Nope.” “Since when?” “Now.”
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He smiles, a little smug, and a terrible thought occurs to me: I’m going to regret whatever’s about to happen.
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“Hush, or I’ll sign you up for the Meat Lovers 5K.”
Monika
The meat lovers? That is foul!
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Together.
Monika
As you should.
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Giggling because the waitress served mine with a heart-shaped straw.
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“Guy.” “Poor Guy.”
Monika
Da da-Tsss.
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He spent fifteen years long-conning me into loving him,
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He came to college with me. And grad school.
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“He’s the real secret of your academic success!”
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Guy knows he’s cooler.”
Monika
He is a cool Guy.
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astronauts I’ve met are very down to earth—”
Monika
I bet they are!
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“Too tall.
Monika
Whaat?
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I briefly contemplate the notion that neither Levi nor I fall within astronaut height requirements,
Monika
Another factor to have in common with your nemeses!
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“I was so relieved, my friend and I got passed-out drunk that night.”
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I’m grateful every damn day for those two extra inches.”
Monika
I am happy for you Levi. It is not your job to keep your family proud. Do what you want to do. Do what you have to do.
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God. Oh, God. I think I like him.
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To watch The Empire Strikes Back.”
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“That’s not vegan,”
Monika
HAH.
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I am mesmerized by the shadows the TV light casts on his face.
Monika
The atmosphere is perfect for kissing. :-)
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And I like looking at him.
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“That’s because we don’t.”
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“Since you clearly have a fetish: every time you mention this nonexistent enmity I supposedly feel, I’ll add a mile to the race you owe me.”
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No, then. I don’t hate him.
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I kind of like him.
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Han an...
This highlight has been truncated due to consecutive passage length restrictions.
Monika
A couple in star wars?
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“Something inconspicuous, then. A trench coat. Sunglasses. You brought your fake mustache, right?”
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“No comment.”
Monika
Suspicious..
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and as you know, humans don’t need cognitive enhancement when it comes to killing each other.
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Become a scientist, they said. It will be fun, they said.
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Voices are like faces, after all: one never forgets them, not if they belong to people who are important.
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with a huge pleased grin that I cannot interpret.
Monika
Yes Sam, yes.
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I’m so happy for you. I’ve been hoping for so long, and finally, such an incredible—”
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What’s the point of having a lab brunch if you two aren’t there?
Monika
Could you you invite Tim and Annie, please?
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“Okay, Daddy.” I realize the blunder only once the words are out of my mouth. Since I can’t take it back, I turn around and walk out of the conference center, blushing. Oops.
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and your not-so-sister.
Monika
You're not a good person Annie.
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Now it’s fucking Hamilton, baby.
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Are you visualizing this? Are you feeling the deep unpleasantness of the situation smack inside your bones?
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I’m at when Timothy William Carson comes to stand in front of me and says, “Hi, Bee.”
Monika
Goodbye Tim. Go away. Far, far away.
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I want to kick him in the nuts.
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He’s also gripping his shoulders tightly, fingers digging painfully into Tim’s flesh as he murmurs something in his ear.
Monika
Levi you sweet man.
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Levi pulls out my chair.