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“You know what else I know? I know you like to dress up as a little girl and get your ass fucked by some well-hung black guy. What was his name again? Bernard?”
“How am I going to get over what happened?” “You’re not supposed to get over it, but we’ll learn how to live with it. What happened doesn’t define who you are.”
I don’t feel like myself, and in many ways, that person I used to be is gone. The shell encasing me is the same, bruised and battered but still intact. It’s the deeper stuff, the stuff that I can’t even fathom thinking about because if I do, I’ll spiral into a place I’ll never return from.
I know I need to digest that I was pregnant, that there was an innocent life growing inside me, but I just… I can’t.
I’m broken, shattered from the inside out.
After today, I vow never to cry for people who do not cry for me, who do not care for me. I vow to be stronger because the only person I can count on is myself.
“You’re my monster. My protector. You stood up for me, even killed for me, and that’s something no one has ever done… and probably never will again.”
“I’ll protect you from everyone and everything, no matter what. Always remember that.”
“Letting someone you love go is the hardest thing you will ever have to do.” “I don’t—” I can’t even say it out loud. Many lies have passed my lips today, but I can’t say this one out loud. Fuck, I love Aspen.
The fierce-looking bear looks realistic from afar, but close up, it looks almost abstract, with harsh lines that shouldn’t be there but somehow belong. His fur turns into an angry pattern, which perfectly hides the name I asked him to integrate. Aspen.
To fully acknowledge the loss would kill me.
Healing isn’t an overnight process, no matter how much I wish it was.
“Don’t ever do something like that again. I almost lost you once. I can’t risk losing you again, and especially not because you tried to save me.” “Don’t tell me what I can and can’t do,” I growl back. “Fucking Christ, Aspen.” He shakes his head, sending locks of brown hair flying while some remain stuck to his clammy forehead. “The idea of losing you kills me. Don’t sacrifice yourself for me.”
tragedy? Is it really love if you don’t have to fight for it to some degree?
“I would rather die because I did something brave for once than watch my world shrink out of fear. I don’t want to live that life. I finally took control. And I’m not scared of whatever is coming.”
“I love you. I always will. You’re the only thing I care about in this world. You have my name, but you’ve had my heart much longer than that. And I intend to devote the rest of my life to you. My wife.”
“Clyde Mather wasn’t Aspen’s biological father,” Lucas tells everyone at the table. “I am.”
