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“I guess we have to move to plan B,” my father announces. “We’re killing everyone. The whole Valentine family.” Fuck yes.
“You did what you had to do to protect yourself. Everyone needs someone, and needing help is not a weakness. Plus, we both know that you wanted me anyway.”
“How am I going to get over what happened?” “You’re not supposed to get over it, but we’ll learn how to live with it. What happened doesn’t define who you are.”
him.” All I can do is nod. Silently, I wonder how fucked up our family is that we bond over shit like this.
After today, I vow never to cry for people who do not cry for me, who do not care for me. I vow to be stronger because the only person I can count on is myself.
“They hurt you, hurt what was mine, so I made certain they’ll never be able to do it again.”
“You’re my monster. My protector. You stood up for me, even killed for me, and that’s something no one has ever done… and probably never will again.” His gaze softens, the contours of his face relaxing. “No one will ever hurt you again, Aspen. I vow, on my life, on my sister’s, on my mother’s lives, that no one will get to you ever again. So long as there’s blood pumping through my veins and air in my lungs, I will protect you. Tell me you understand that? Tell me that no matter what happens in the future, you will remember that.”
“I’ll protect you from everyone and everything, no matter what. Always remember that.”
“Letting someone you love go is the hardest thing you will ever have to do.” “I don’t—” I can’t even say it out loud. Many lies have passed my lips today, but I can’t say this one out loud. Fuck, I love Aspen. I love her, and now I have to forget about her. I have to let her go to keep her safe, and keeping my mother and sister safe is the most important thing in the world.
But I guess that’s the hardest part about all of this. Nothing is ever going to be like it was before.
The fierce-looking bear looks realistic from afar, but close up, it looks almost abstract, with harsh lines that shouldn’t be there but somehow belong. His fur turns into an angry pattern, which perfectly hides the name I asked him to integrate. Aspen.
Tears build behind my eyes, but I blink the moisture away. He doesn’t deserve any more of my tears. None of them do. Not even my parents.
Clutching onto Adela’s bracelet, I promise her and myself to be as strong as people keep telling me I am. I will be strong to honor Adela’s life and that of the child who never had a chance to be born.
Healing isn’t an overnight process, no matter how much I wish it was.
Pressing his forehead against mine, he whispers, “Don’t ever do something like that again. I almost lost you once. I can’t risk losing you again, and especially not because you tried to save me.” “Don’t tell me what I can and can’t do,” I growl back. “Fucking Christ, Aspen.” He shakes his head, sending locks of brown hair flying while some remain stuck to his clammy forehead. “The idea of losing you kills me. Don’t sacrifice yourself for me.”
I want to be strong enough to care for myself, not stand in someone else's shadow.
Even so, it never hurts to be prepared.
“No. One thing you have to learn, Aspen, is no one will respect your time if you don’t respect it first.
“Once you understand every threat, once you know the worst that could happen to you, nothing can surprise you. There are moments, especially in a fight, when you’re face-to-face with somebody who knows they’ll either have to kill you or be killed—when a split second of indecision or surprise can make all the difference. If nothing surprises you, you have the advantage.”
Even the friendliest smile can conceal a dagger.
I guess when you do what needs to be done to survive, there’s no room for regret.
I’ve hated him so many times for what he did, for how he ruined our lives, but at the same time, I still loved him. He was still my dad. I always knew he didn’t mean to ruin me.
“How can I not? He was my dad! I know he was wrong. I know he did bad things, but I still…”
“I loved him.”
“I know. Even when we hate our parents, we can’t help but love them.”
“You’ll never have to find out. You’ll always have me to protect you.”
My body doesn’t care about questions and second thoughts, but what I feel for her is more than physical.
“I hoped you would.” I lift her hand from my arm and kiss her fingertips. “You’re always with me.”
“Whatever it is,” I murmur, “it’s a sign of how resilient you are. Brave. Strong. It doesn’t have to be an unhappy reminder. It can remind you of how much you’ve overcome.”
She’s still as gorgeous and hot and perfect as ever. Nothing can ever take that away, and she needs to know it.
I’ve lost myself to this woman. I can’t bring myself to care when she’s all I’ll ever want.
He’s my lifeline, the one thing keeping me grounded. Holding me together when it feels like the slightest jolt will leave me shattered in a million pieces.
Certain things can’t be put into words, things that can’t be reasoned. Emotion, intimacy.
It’s in the past. I can’t do anything to change it now. All I can do is change how I cope.
I lose track of how long I’ve been reading. It could be minutes, or it could be an hour. That’s the beauty of being absorbed in reading. Time melts away.
A minute later, he’s gone, leaving me alone again. But I’m never really alone. I always have him with me.
Me: Safe and sound. What are you doing? Q: You mean besides checking on you? Let’s see. Thinking about you. Fantasizing about you. Missing you. It’s been a full day.
We could’ve been happy. We could’ve been a family, the three of us.
A: I owe you one, don’t I? If I recall, you choked me out once. Me: You’re never going to let that go, are you?
To me, home is anywhere a good book can be found, and this place is full of them.
He flips the box open, and I withhold a gasp at the sight of the silver necklace shaped like a flower.
“It’s a lotus. In many cultures, the lotus is seen as pure, regenerative, and a symbol of rebirth.”
“I picked the lotus because even when its roots are in the dirtiest of waters, it still somehow finds a way to bloom into a beautiful flower.”
Yes, our love was born from hate, but aren’t the best love stories born in some type of tragedy? Is it really love if you don’t have to fight for it to some degree?
Sometimes it’s better to leave the rock as it is.
There’s no room for anxiety or regret or any of it when I’m so damn tired.
But it’s more than that. I know it. She knows it. As much of a whirlwind as this has been, inside, I know it was always meant to be this way. She was always going to be mine. There was never a choice. She belongs to me.
“A circle has no beginning or ending, as love has neither a beginning nor an end. They symbolize the eternal nature of your love and devotion.”
That’s it. A few simple words, and we’re different than we were before. We’re joined completely, body and soul. Nothing is ever going to tear us apart.
“You’re my wife. I belong wherever you are, remember? For better or for worse?” I don’t care how corny it sounds or that everyone can hear. After everything she’s been through, the least she deserves is everyone hearing she’s worth sacrificing for. “Wherever you go. I go.”
