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Xander has both a cat and a dog, as though he likes to prepare for conflict every day of his life.
“I’m going to let you watch me, Benjamin,” he says softly. “And just so we’re clear—I don’t let anyone watch me.”
“You’re just going to watch. And I’m going to tie you up while you watch, because I don’t want you to be tempted to touch. And also, because I think I’ll like seeing you tied up.”
“I have engaged in play that would technically be called aggravated assault,” he says slowly. “If there weren’t consent from the other party. I’ve never hospitalized anyone. And I have learned to provide superlative after-care.”
“Oh, you’re so brave,” he breathes into Ben’s ear. “Thank you. That was a privilege to watch.”
“It's just, my mom always taught me to write my name on my property. So it doesn't get lost.”
“I asked you if you were crying,” Xander says softly. “And you said, ‘Touch it; the marble eyelids are not wet: If it could weep, it could arise and go.’ It stopped me in my tracks, actually.”
“Benjamin,” he murmurs, “this probably isn’t the best time, but I think I love you.”
Xander gives him a despondent look. “But the universe gave me you, too,” he says softly. “And you’ll still have me,” Ben points out. “Even in New York, even with thousands of miles between us, I’m yours, and I’m not going anywhere.”
I am to think of you when I sit alone or wake at night alone, I am to wait, I do not doubt I am to meet you again, I am to see to it that I do not lose you.

