Bad Mormon: A Memoir

by Heather Gay

I didn’t even know that we were religious. I just thought that we were better than everyone else.

The beliefs aren’t reinforced by strangers, they’re reinforced by the people who love you most. And it’s in that moment that you don’t really have a choice. You believe. You fall in line. You commit.

Normally, missionaries were expected to be within sight or sound of their companion at all times. If for any reason your companion became unavailable, the president would assign you as a third wheel to an existing companionship until you’re able to pair off again.

In the temple, men make covenants that bestow them with “dominion over all the earth and the inhabitants therein,” and women make covenants to obey them. I was taught to say “no” to a lot of things outside of our faith. But inside the faith, I was taught only to bow my head and say “yes.”