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I slowly zone out. My mom—bless her heart in that ironic way southerners say it—can make an avalanche out of a snowflake.
I hold in a groan. Getting a straight answer out of this woman is like finding where they keep toothpicks in a grocery store. Impossible.
I glare at the festively decorated shops I'm driving past. Holidays. They ruin everything.
She gives me a blank look. Seriously, has this girl never read an Agatha Christie book? Where are her deduction skills?
Her eyes are as wide as those cinnamon rolls from the bakery next to my apartment—the one I visit way too religiously. What can I say? I support small businesses. And sugar.
Ah, hypocrisy is a funny thing, isn't it?
Holy cow. He's ten times better in person than on the screen. I drink him in like a glass of mulled apple cider. The kind where you know someone was a little heavy-handed with the cloves, because it gives you a heady kick right after it warms you to your toes.
Riiiiip! I peek between my fingers, wondering if I've been bitten and the pain just hasn't registered yet, when I see a flurry of pastel fabric flying through the air. I spread my fingers wider. Wait. That's not fabric. That's an entire week's worth of underwear scattering across the driveway. My underwear. Maybe death wouldn't be so bad after all.
In a flash, my senses come back, and I spring into motion. I'm dashing around like a madwoman, grabbing panties out of the air and off the ice-crusted ground. I'm Doctor Octopus—nothing can escape my whirling arms.
"I don't know. This sounds like one of those cliché romantic comedies. The ones where someone pretends to be in a relationship, and everything ends in a metaphorical train wreck." "What are you talking about? Romantic comedies always end with a happily ever after. This plan is foolproof!" I'm
A smile creeps across my face. I've missed this. I've missed the Carters’ crazy, in-your-face family dynamics.
"If you don't want to tell me, I don't care," I say, my mind going through every relationship status that could be possible. She could be dating someone? Maybe she broke up with someone? Maybe someone broke up with her? Maybe I need to go break a few bones of whatever punk broke up with her?
"Sorry, man. Thanks for taking one for the team." Little does he know this is not taking one for the team. Spending one-on-one time with Elle feels like Christmas came early this year.
"We're playing Knock Out Whist. Seven rounds. Aces are high."
A little smile toys on her face. "I'm surprised you remember that." Because I have clearly lost all ability to think before I talk around this woman, I blurt out, "I remember everything about you." And then there's this Guinness-Book-of-World-Records-worthy awkward moment where we both stare at each other. Don't mind me, Elle, just the boy next door who apparently makes it his life goal to say embarrassing things in your presence.
I roll my eyes, even though I'm kinda loving how concerned he is. There's something innately attractive about a knight in shining armor.
But then I hear someone cough behind me, and the moment breaks. I forget we are surrounded by one of the world's nosiest, most busybody families in the world.
Wait. What am I doing staring at his lips? "Uh, no. D-definitely not." Oh my gosh, now I’m stuttering. "I'll take you on any time." His eyes bore into mine, that little grin and those darn dimples seductively teasing every feminine hormone in my body. "I'd meet you anywhere you want, Elle." A deaf man could've heard the sensual tension in that comment. "Do you think he's going to kiss her?" My auntie's whisper zips me back to the present like Dorothy being whipped home to Kansas.
I missed the way he looks at me like I am everything. Like insignificant little me makes his whole world go round.
Oliver is back to leaning on the cabinets like the cool, calm cucumber he is. Could he do me a favor and act a little flustered? I can't be the only one with beads of sweat forming on my back.
What I need is a cup of hot chocolate. Nothing soothes troubles like a dose of sugar.
For not the first time in my life, I think that I want a relationship like my parents’ one day. A relationship filled with love and respect and an equal concern for the other person.
