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This whole thing here, breathing, it’s getting too much for me. My body doesn’t want to be here anymore, neither does my soul. I’m tired.
Wishing someone to die is not okay. Not ever. No matter how deep your hatred goes.
Do I stay, and continue to feel worthless, or do I leave and pray to God I’ll be happier wherever I end up?
He can’t know that he’s already pretty good at reading me like an open book, and it scares me that he can.
I don’t want to die because I don’t think there’s more to life, but it’s the pain that makes me want to leave. I don’t want to continue to feel empty. I don’t want to be numb anymore. I want to feel joy. I want to feel love, be loved, and love someone. But I can’t. It’s all… numb. Nothing but nothingness. I know some people love me.
Spirit world sounds peaceful. Wandering around as a spirit, doing some mischief. That sounds lovely.
want nothing more but for you to experience less pain. I don’t need you to be one hundred percent happy. No one ever is. You’re already living with so much pain, a kind of pain I’ll never understand. But I can make sure you’re not adding more to it.”
“I wished for you to find a girlfriend who loves you unconditionally, someone to be alongside you when I can’t do that anymore.”
Not a clue where that came from so suddenly, but I like rain.
Something about rain is freeing. Something about the cold water washes away some stress and anxiety of mine. It truly is the most relaxing thing ever. It’s easy to tip your head toward the sky and let the raindrops hit your face, shoulders, arms, chest, and heart. And the feeling it comes with—the feeling of relief—it’s unimaginably easy to accomplish with some rain.
“If you ever find someone that makes you want to rip your heart out and hand it to that person on a silver platter. If you ever find someone that warms not only your bed but also your heart and soul… hold on to them forever. They’re your sun. They’re what’s bringing light into your life. If they can ease your pain by just being there, lighten your mood, brighten up your days by simply being in your life. Colin, Eira, el o ella es tu sol.”—he or she is your sun.
“Life doesn’t always play out the way you want it to. You should know that.”
