What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma

by Stephanie Foo

A few days later, I was on the phone with Kathy as we talked about our weeks. She started to say that her co-worker was annoying but then drifted off. “Eh, never mind,” she said. “It was nothing. Anyway, how is your work going?” My immediate reaction was to let it go and move on in the conversation. But then I paused. Something about my new, heightened awareness clued me in to the way her voice had trailed off. I should follow up on what she was saying. My second thought was to complain about annoying co-workers or even trash-talk her co-worker whom I knew nothing about in order to comfort her. But instead, I asked, “No, wait. What were you saying about your co-worker? How did they make you feel?” Given the space and opportunity, she shared some vulnerable thoughts about her fears at work. Stuff I never would have gotten to hear if I’d moved on or jumped ahead in the conversation. Afterward, I felt closer to her, and I think she felt closer to me, too. For the first time in months, I ended a conversation feeling capable. Like a good person.

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