The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward

by Daniel H. Pink

We seek a measure of stability—a reasonably sturdy foundation of material, physical, and mental well-being. We hope to use some of our limited time to explore and grow—by pursuing novelty and being bold. We aspire to do the right thing—to be, and to be seen as, good people who honor our moral commitments. We yearn to connect with others—to forge friendships and family relationships bonded by love. A solid foundation. A little boldness. Basic morality. Meaningful connections. The negative emotion of regret reveals the positive path for living.

Dan McAdams is a Northwestern University psychologist who has long argued that people forge their identities through stories. According to his research, two prototypical narratives wrestle for primacy as we make sense of our existence. One is what he calls “contamination sequences”—in which events go from good to bad. The other he calls “redemption sequences”—in which events go from bad to good.[1] McAdams has found that people whose identities involve contamination narratives tend to be unhappy with their personal lives and unimpressive in their professional contributions. But people with narratives rooted in redemption are the opposite. They are generally more satisfied and accomplished—and they rate their lives as meaningful. Regret offers us the ultimate redemption narrative. It is as powerful and affirming as any positive emotion. But it arrives on our doorstep wearing a disguise.