Reclaiming Pleasure: A Sex Positive Guide for Moving Past Sexual Trauma and Living a Passionate Life

by Holly Richmond

The information you have always needed and deserved—information about sexuality, trauma, and our wise and honest bodies. The empathy you have always needed and deserved—empathy that helps you move from ashamed to peaceful, from detached to alive, and from afraid to empowered. The tools you have always needed and deserved—tools that are scientifically proven to help you heal your trauma so you can stop feeling bad and start feeling good.

As Holly encourages, “Rather than asking yourself, ‘What is wrong with me?’ or ‘Why can’t I be normal?’ ask your body and your symptoms, ‘What are you trying to protect me from?’ and ‘How do you think you are keeping me safe?’” There is such a peace that arises when we stop doing battle with our bodies and begin to listen to them instead.

Your evolution relies almost exclusively on “how” questions rather than “why” questions. “Why” keeps us stuck in our heads. “How” encourages a process that lets us lean on our bodies, our symptoms, and the way we made it from where we were to where we

How was sex spoken about in your home? From whom or what did you learn about sex? Was it from school, friends, magazines, rom-coms, pornography, or some other source? What words in regard to body parts or sexual acts are you uncomfortable saying out loud? Practice in private! What roadblocks to being sexually healthy has your trauma triggered? What roadblocks to being sexually healthy has your upbringing evoked?

Rather than asking yourself, “What is wrong with me?” or “Why can’t I be normal?” ask your body and your symptom, “What are you trying to protect me from?” and “How do you think you are keeping me safe?”

Difficulty identifying emotions Difficulty expressing emotions Difficulty regulating emotions Feeling out of control Feeling disconnected Fear of unexpectedly encountering perpetrator Rumination Low self-esteem Lack of boundaries Feeling confused Feeling dead inside Inability to focus Fear of going crazy Diminished ability to feel pleasure, joy, or relaxation71