Shaming is a form of abandonment, and holding on to our own shame is self-abandonment. Now we begin to see why we fear abandonment so much. It is the absence of mirroring, and we need mirroring to survive emotionally. We also see why we fear the loss of our partner. To grieve is to feel keenly isolated and bereft of mirroring. To grieve with supportive others, however, is mutual mirroring. This is why funerals are public events: our fellow mourners mirror grief to us and we to them. Grief is healed by letting go and by contact.
