Using the five A’s as guideposts, ask yourself what you need most from a partner or a friend. Ask your partner or a friend what he needs from you. Be careful not to confuse needs with requests, plans, or remedies. For example, to say “I need you to listen” describes not a need but a request. To say “I need more space in this relationship” describes not a need but a plan. To say “I need a drink” describes not a need but (your idea of) a remedy. Tell your partner your present desires, plans, and ideas for remedies. Then identify the need behind each of these and ask him to hear it. For instance,
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