How to Sell a Haunted House

by Grady Hendrix

“If you’ve got drugs, share,” Aunt Honey barked.

and her dad practically defined the word normal. He didn’t buy presents for people but instead gave cash because, as an economist, he believed the recipient would purchase the most optimal gift for themselves. Was there a more dadcore thing to do?

You know, Louise, her dad said, statistically, and there’s a lot of variance in these numbers, but in general, from a strictly scientific point of view, everything turns out okay an improbable number of times.

Mark was cleaner but he looked like exactly the type of guy who’d go to a Waffle House at three in the morning after shooting a haunted puppet.