This Time It's Real

by Ann Liang

He’s dangling. His whole body is suspended by two metal wires that look dangerously thin, considering how we’re on the twenty-eighth floor and the summer wind’s been blowing extra hard since noon, kicking up dust and leaves like a mini tornado.

The man catches me staring and gives me a cheerful little wave, as if he isn’t one faulty wire or loose knot or particularly aggressive bird away from plummeting down the side of the building.

Oh i think about this 24/7

The pitch-black windows behind her—and the bowl of steaming instant noodles on the counter (her idea of a bedtime snack)—are the only clue it’s some ungodly hour of the night in LA right now.

Noodles are the perfect snack

After all, it’s not like we’ll be staying here longer than a year.

“Wow. I mean, all this effort,” Zoe says, sounding exasperated and impressed at the same time, “just so you don’t have to write something real?” “That’s the plan.”

I know she's a teenager, but that's DUMB

This kind of treatment always makes me uncomfortable in a way I can’t articulate, even when it’s not directed at me, but Ma just smiles at him through her sunglasses and slides gracefully into the front seat.

With Ma’s job moving us around all the time, it’s already happened too many times for me to keep track: that slow, painful, far-too-predictable transition from strangers to acquaintances to friends back to strangers the second I leave the school behind me.

That's really rough :(

Words just move me. A beautiful sentence will sneak under my skin and crack me open the way a phrase of music might, or a climactic scene from a movie. A well-crafted story can make me laugh and gasp for breath and weep.

This is my trick to surviving new schools: Find a space like this, a place no one can disturb me, and claim it as my own.

If there’s anything Emily’s willing to make a compromise for, it’s food.

She's real for that

It literally means “little fresh meat,” which I realize sounds somewhat carnivorous, but it’s used to describe most attractive male celebrities in their teens or early twenties.

Some are so enraged by his behavior one would think he had shoved the actress down the stage and laughed in her face or something.

Crazy people online...

In big, bold letters, I type out the first slide: A Strategic, Mutually Beneficial and Romantically Oriented Alliance to Help Further Our Respective Careers.

Oh god...

If this is what being a Working Professional is like, then honestly, no thanks.

Real girl

Altogether, it shouldn’t take more than a time commitment of fifteen hours per week.

PER WEEK?!

I guess my point is that I do believe in love. Really. I’m just not convinced that kind of love could ever happen to me.

Nobody’s going to believe we’re together if you act like I’m about to kidnap you each time I make a move.”

If I were that beautiful, I would be vain too.

If he didn’t, there were at least four other actors his age with more connections who could replace him at a moment’s notice.

My parents’ rules might not make total sense to others, but they do to Emily and me.

What the hell is he up to? We agreed to keep our families out of this, and I can’t imagine him benefiting from this situation in any way. Is he so committed to his role as the perfect fake boyfriend?

Maybe he actually likes you? Or he's a good person...

His head turns a fraction toward me. “Eliza. If it weren’t for the matter of practicality, you could literally come dressed in a trash bag and I wouldn’t care.”

HE LIKES YOUUUU

My followers have been growing rapidly, climbing by an extra few thousand almost every day, the number of likes and shares rising with them. It’s as exhilarating as it is terrifying.

But it's lies girl

“No, you’re right,” she agrees seriously. “You should save those ideas for your one-year anniversary. Or your wedding.”

I’m exhausted and nearly out of ideas, and maybe it’s because of this that I let the truth slip out onto the page. I hope you remember to miss me when all this is over.

“Right, right. Chinese ingredients and all that.”

WOAH??

I might actually be crushing on Caz Song. Like a total sucker.

Yuppppp

Next thing I know, I’m clenching my teeth so hard they hurt and creating an account under a fake name and replying: Caz Song is FAR more talented than you’ll ever be. You have no idea how hard he’s worked, you pathetic little— Okay, so maybe the first step wasn’t as effective as I’d hoped. Whatever.

And this, I think, is my ultimate fatal flaw. Missing people who don’t miss me back. Clinging on to strands of string that shouldn’t mean half as much as they do. It takes so little for me to love someone, yet so long for me to move on.

It’s almost too much—I want to believe the smile is real, that it’s meant only for me. But I just witnessed seconds ago how good he is at acting.

If Mingri’s gaze is stunned, Caz’s gaze is scorching. Searching. He’s leaned forward in his seat, and the tender look on his face isn’t something I’ve ever seen before.

HE LIKES YOU TOO

“You know what, I think he’s grown even more image-conscious in recent months. All that styling with his hair and the expensive skin cream—my god, I swear he uses more than I do—” “Mom,” Caz says, louder, clearly trying and failing to keep his cool. “Mom, that’s really not—you’re exaggerating—”

AWWWWWW HE WANTS TO IMPRESS HER

“Sha erzi, what do you know? When you care about someone, you want to be inconvenienced—you wouldn’t mind being inconvenienced by them every day for the rest of your life. That’s what love is. That’s all love really is.”

“I want to,” Caz says—then, maybe catching the surprise on my face, pauses. “I mean, I should.”

I tense. The words are there, crowded in the back of my throat. I could tell him. Be honest for once in my life. Be brave. My heart starts drumming louder, so loud I’m certain he’ll hear it. I breathe in. Tell him. But all that comes out is: “Of course not.” “Of course not,” he repeats. For some reason, his voice is strained.

NOOOO ELIZA

“Fine. It’s just cute that you’re so concerned, that’s all,” he says with a shrug.

When I turn around to check if Caz has fallen asleep, he’s watching me, his black gaze inexpressibly soft. Serious.

They're pretty similar tbh

“I know it’s you, Eliza,” he says simply. “I just wanted to talk to you.”

AWWWWWWW

“You’re not—you’re not jealous?” Of course I am, I want to say.

Oh Eliza, your obliviousness is driving me crazy

Because he does call me again the next night, at roughly the same time, and the night after that, and after that.

She's so oblivious

“Because I have so many friends who wanted to be actors, but never landed a major role, or who worked their asses off and landed the role but completely failed to break out and—I mean, I love acting, but it’s hard and unpredictable.

“That thing about … being there for me. I want to be that for you too.”

MY HEART

“Well, I mean, you can’t just keep lying to the world, can you?” she pushes on. “Like, at first, I thought it’d only be this super-temporary thing. A joke. But it’s been entire months, and it’s just … It just seems like the kind of thing destined to blow up in your face.”

I feel like she's gonna tell...

“You,” he says quietly. “I want you, Eliza.”

“But if he was mean to you, I’ll stop liking him immediately. I won’t even invite him to my next birthday party.”