Psychologist John Gottman has made the study of human relationships, particularly marriages, his life’s work. He has videotaped more than three thousand couples in his “Love Lab” at the University of Washington, and, after coding the heart rate, facial expressions, and body language during thousands of hours of interactions, has come to a startling conclusion. His data says that 70 percent of the problems that couples wrestle with are unsolvable. He calls these “perpetual problems.” But that is not necessarily a bad thing. His conclusion is that the couples that stay together for life, what he
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