When We Were Bright and Beautiful

by Jillian Medoff

There are two states of male arousal: feral and submissive, each with its own unique tell. Feral men get jacked up in two seconds; they fuck anything in their path. Submissive men are sneakier; they beg for intimacy while pawing their way to climax. On the hunt, both are equally dangerous. Feral guys are fast and ferocious, their aggression is laced with violence; one wrong move and you’re done. Submissive men make no explicit demands, but they lack a core, so you serve as filler. They destroy you from the inside out, inflicting deeper wounds that won’t heal.

Keeping a secret is difficult, which is why so few people succeed. It demands commitment and vigilance, pain and sacrifice. The willingness, the strength, to take it to your grave.

Our feelings reduce us to want.

Where does that kind of rage come from? Do they hold it in the rest of the time so that they can unleash it here? What happens if they never let it out?

To deny me choice over my body is to deny me a self. To deny me a me.