Please Love Me at My Worst

by Michaela Angemeer

your weeds aren’t welcome anymore

i just want to be loved i just want to be loved i just want to be loved i just want to be loved without condition

you are enough

if you keep trying to fix other people it’s you that’s broken

let’s quit adulthood

when will i stop falling in love with the idea of a person

i am done with dating i am too intense for just drinks or a coffee i fall in love either immediately or never i am a stay-up-till-three-am girl talk-all-night girl tell-me-all-your-secrets girl i know we just met but we might as well get married

sometimes i wonder what life would be like if we had never met if we never collided in this lifetime or learned what the curve of each other’s faces felt like who would i be if i had never held your hand who would i be if i had never been loved by you

i miss the feeling of trust with eyes closed no fear of falling i miss floating with you weightlessness no doubt in forever no doubt in us

i tried to teach you how to love me but the love i needed would have come naturally

saying i have trust issues would imply i have any trust left i just have issues

i do not trust you to love me the way i deserve to be loved

i’m sorry i don’t have anything left in me i’m sorry all of me wasn’t enough for you

why can’t i just feel good about the good things not ruin them with heart beating faster my own anxious drum pounding erratically

does anyone want to trade brains i’d like a quieter one

you cannot use someone else’s map to find yourself

i am resistant to change i’d rather eat ice and cry on an airplane

you are allowed to be brutally confronted by loneliness

i can’t stay awake for more than fifteen hours without an iced coffee or two

i just need a little change

i keep shouting who am i into the void the echo screams back whoever you want to be

i am happy and i am sad i am lonely i am alive and i am me

you deserve to be loved without condition. you are enough. without trying harder. without learning new things. without accomplishments. without success. without getting bigger or smaller. without getting smarter. without improvements. without changing anything at all. you are enough, just as you are.

i just want to be in love with somebody who wants to be in love with me