Please Love Me at My Worst

by Michaela Angemeer

i wish i could clean up the mess that i made of myself pack it up in boxes drop it off at the thrift store fill garbage bags with my self-criticism rent a dumpster to toss out the insults i throw at myself have a trash fire kindled with unrequited love and all the longing i do that lasts for too long is it thursday already don’t let the garbage truck leave i’m not finished yet i just need a little more time to get this messed cleaned up

does anyone want to trade brains i’d like a quieter one does anyone want to trade me for sad i’d like happy instead

remind me about the sun make me look up instead of down

turns out aging is the only thing i can’t run away from and i don’t know what i’m meant to be if i’m not meant to be young

i’m drinking cold coffee with cold feet my brain is numb because i forgot to sleep and though i never liked touching people i’d give my right arm to hold your hand can someone please breathe on me again can someone please love me again

i’m sorry to no one i’m sorry to everyone but most of all i’m sorry to me for constantly cataloging my imperfections

you are the only person who can put yourself first

cheers to everyone who did work so i could fully be me

i tell the sun i love her and in return she gives me freckles under my eyes tans my shoulders streaks my hair warms my chest tells my soul that life is still worth living

you deserve to be loved without condition. you are enough. without trying harder. without learning new things. without accomplishments. without success. without getting bigger or smaller. without getting smarter. without improvements. without changing anything at all. you are enough, just as you are.

i just want to be in love with somebody who wants to be in love with me

why do i have to find myself before i find you